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It really needs a lot of courage to admit to your partner that you have been unfaithful. While this situation isn't easy for the victim, it isn't easy for the cheater too. Backstabbing one's trust might be situational, but the guilt that builds up within can be killing. It is this guilt that makes one take the most courageous route to confess. Confession is a powerful gesture to seek forgiveness, but it isn't a tool to make your relationship better in any aspect. 'One should confess about one's infidelity without any expectations from the partner. Confession might not always translate into forgiveness and forgiveness should not be forced,' says Dr Sanghanayak Meshram, psychiatrist and sexologist, Mumbai.
So, if you have cheated on your partner and want to confess, here are a few rules you need to follow:
1. Don't make excuses: Once you have cheated, it is futile to explain why you did so. Because no amount of explanation can restore what has gone wrong. So talk straight without blaming the situation, moment or other variables that you think led to you being unfaithful. 'The excuse that 'every human makes a mistake,' doesn't work here, so it is better to keep the conversation subtle without making yourself a victim of the situation,' says Dr Meshram.
2. Don't choose special dates to confess: Confessing about your infidelity on your birthday, anniversary, or other special dates is a hopeless idea. You are just going to add more pain to the situation. This isn't going to make it any lighter or easier for the bearer. 'Instead you should confess at a time when you know your partner is in a receptive mood, and you have time to talk. Remember, your confession can lead to a divorce or a break-up, so be strong enough to deal with its aftermath too,' says Dr Meshram.
3. Don't expect anything out of your partner: Once you confess, you might feel relieved of your guilt but remember it is a massive blow to your partner. So don't expect any merciful reaction towards you (which you don't deserve) from your partner. Give him/her time to deal with that pain alone. Don't use sugar-coated words to offer false encouragement because you know you don't mean it. Be quite and strong enough to take your partner's reactions in your stride. 'Your partner's emotions would be livid at this moment. Maybe she is thinking about the gestures and actions you had with the other women, or maybe she will break down. Whatever it is don't give her false hope at this moment,' says Dr Meshram.
4. Don't confess if you are not sure about your actions: 'Confess only when you know that you are not going to repeat your adulterous actions again or you want to break-up and close the loop once and forever. Unless you are sure of your actions, don't confess. First, talk to yourself about what you want and why you are ready to confess, unless your conscience is clear, your approach would be half-hearted,' says Dr Meshram.
5. Don't put your partner in a tough situation: Sometimes confession can make your bond stronger, especially if you mean every word you say. But this doesn't imply that you force your partner to stay in the relationship. 'Confession is your decision, but whether to put trust in you or not should be your partner's decision. This is one situation where you cannot (and should not) call the shots. Instead, allow your partner to decide on the next course of thing for your relationship,' advises Meshram.
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