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Tips to deal with spouse abandonment or blindsiding

Remember, this failed marriage is not your fault and stay strong.

Has your partner deserted you all of a sudden for no fault of yours? There is much more than hurt that you experience when your spouse suddenly abandons you for someone else. Blindsiding is a terrible thing because it hits you like lightning when you least expect it. But no matter how much you try, there is no way you can bring your partner back and you are left with the option to deal with it and move on. So here are some tips to cope with blindsiding or spouse abandonment:

  • Don t blame yourself. If there is anything you need to do right now, it is to understand your worth. It was not your fault even if they claim so. You have given everything to the relationship and if your spouse has not valued it, it is their loss. So be confident about yourself and don t get in the self-pity mode.
  • You can write a list of your qualities and why people around you are so fond of you. Put this note as your wallpaper or screen saver to keep motivating yourself. Read: How losing sleep over divorce might kill you.
  • Don t let your life stop here. It is easy to drown yourself in the sorrow. Take time and just vent it all out but keep a target. Grief can continue for a lifetime if you want to but you need to compose yourself and start living again. Get practical about what needs to be done after this instead of getting consumed by the sorrow.
  • Keep calm. You don t need to understand everything or overthink. Your heart is broken and you are completely shattered but your mind needs focus right now. Don t let your mind get caught up in thinking that the relationship failed because of you. Read: How a breakup or divorce can affect your health.
  • Focus on yourself. You need to heal and that s why you will need to take extra care of yourself. Indulge in things you wanted to, go places you dreamed of, engage in hobbies, meet friends or pamper yourself. Build your life again with positivity.
  • Chalk out a plan for yourself. Speak to divorce lawyers and gather information. Think about your interests, your future and your child s future. You need to think of ways to benefit from this abandonment now instead of getting diminished by it. Read: How to prepare your kids to face the reality of your divorce.
  • Don t try to chase your spouse or figure out what were the exact problems that led to this situation. It isn t going to help you. They are too stone hearted at this stage to even understand your grief and pain. Don t demean yourself by going back again. Instead, just forgive and move on. Forgiving won t help them much but it will make healing easy for you.

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