Feeling sad even after amazing sex? Blame post sex blues

Sex can feel amazing but still lead to a burst of negative emotions after it is over. Read on to know more about post sex blues.

By: Nayonika Chakraborty | | Published: July 20, 2019 7:10 pm

Postcoital dysphoria can make you sad even after amazing sex. @Shutterstock

It seems to be a universally acknowledged thought. Most would agree to this without think about it twice. Sex is amazing. It is a joyful experience and you can have a lot of fun regardless of whether you are a man or a woman. But it is possible that you are suddenly hit by a strong rush of woeful emotions. These emotions can range from sadness or anxiety to aggression. These feelings may take you by surprise. But it is important to know that it is okay to feel that way and you are not alone in this.

This can happen because of postcoital tristesse (PCT) or postcoital dysphoria (PCD), which is more commonly known as post sex blues. Postcoital dysphoria is the feeling of extreme sadness, anxiety or aggression that may be experienced just after consensual sex. This condition may take place regardless of whether the sexual experience was loving, exciting or satisfying.

The extent of emotions or the time for which an individual may be affected can vary. Some may feel extremely sad or depressed and cry afterwards. Others can become agitated and start arguing with their partner. An episode of PCD can end after five minutes but can also go on till two hours.

IS IT A MAN OR A WOMAN THING?

A study published in the journal Sexual Medicine in the year 2015 says that the symptoms of postcoital dysphoria are common among woman. For the study, a number of female university students were surveyed for PCD signs. Forty six per cent of the women reported experiencing strong negative emotions post sex sometime in the past. Though the results do not apply to all women, it is important to understand that being hit by these feelings is perfectly normal.

Another study published in Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy said that PCD symptoms are not that uncommon in men too. The study was conducted in 2018 through an online survey with questions about PCD symptoms. Forty one per cent of the men reported to have experienced post sex blues at least once in their lives. This goes on to prove that it is completely normal for men to face the symptoms of PCD too.

WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?

Though there is no clear evidence about why certain people experience post sex blues, there have been theories on what the cause may be.

Hormonal change

Some studies in the area suggest that the cause behind your post sex blues could be a shift in your hormones. Your body produces more of dopamine, which triggers positive emotions. But after the act is finished, there is a sudden release of prolactin. This change can be explained by the neurochemical mechanism of satiety in our brains that makes sure we pay attention to other aspects of our life as well.

Internalised sentiments

Some experts suggest that subconscious thoughts catch up with you after the post sex rush has calmed down. Everyone is not brought up in an environment that views sex in a positive light. If you internally feel that having sex is wrong or dirty then after actually going through with the act you might end up feeling guilty or shameful. You might also feel uncomfortable if you think giving in to impulses or lack of control is a characteristically bad thing to do. This can result in shutting yourself out or it can bring a sudden rush of sadness.

Traumatic past experience

Some experts also believe that if you have any traumatic incidents connected to sex, it can trigger postcoital dysphoria symptoms. The incidents may vary from sexual assault to a disturbing sexual experience with your previous partners. Any of these disturbing memories can bleed into your post sex state even if your recent sexual act was healthy.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

You might become sad after sex. But, this doesn’t mean that you can’t get out of this mood. Take our tips and be happy.

Talk with your partner

Most sexologists and psychiatrists believe communication in this scenario is necessary. They advice opening up to your partner and talking about how exactly you are feeling. Not relaying what you are experiencing may not only make your partner feel bad but it will also make you resent them. This will make you feel even worse. If there anything made you uncomfortable during the act, it is important to share your thoughts with your partner.

Care for yourself

Taking time out for yourself and doing things that you enjoy is also advised by some experts in the field. You can do anything that boosts your morale or calms you down. Taking a warm bath, meditating, listening to peaceful music or watching your favourite show are some examples of what you can try. Tell your partner if you feel like you need space and some time for yourself.

Keep up with your periods

Around the time of your period, your hormonal balance changes a lot. This may be the reason behind your PCD symptoms. Try to pay attention and notice if you are experiencing these symptoms at a particular time of your menstrual cycle. If that is the case, then knowing about it beforehand will help you be better equipped for it.

Seek help

If your PCD symptoms are recurring and frequent don’t shy away from taking a break from sex altogether if you need it. In case of previous trauma or nonstop signs of PCD, do not hesitate to consider seeking professional help. Professionals will be able to help you to cope with the situation and move on.

WHAT IF YOUR PARTNER HAS PCD SYMPTOMS?

Asking about what they are feeling and providing comfort is important. But is also equally important to respect their wishes if they ask for some time alone. Remember not to force them to have sex if they are not ready and discuss the situation with them later. Be there for them and ask how you can be of any help.

Published : July 20, 2019 7:10 pm

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