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My wife is a virgin and her hymen won’t break. She pushes me away when we try to have sex due to pain. What can I do? (Query)

Here's what our expert has to say about having sex for the first time.

I am a 28-year-old man and my wife is 22 years old. We got married a few months ago but we are struggling to consummate this marriage. Every time I have tried to penetrate my wife after getting intimate, she instantly pushes me away and complains of a lot of pain. We have repeatedly tried to have sex but with no success because her hymen is intact. How can I make sex less painful and more pleasurable for my wife?

This query was answered by Dr. Prakash Kothari, Founder Professor and Head of the Department of Sexual Medicine at Seth G. S. Medical College and KEM Hospital, Mumbai.

It is important that you talk to your wife about this issue because you need to find out whether it is the pain that is causing her to stop you every time, or rather the fear of pain. I have observed that most often, it is the fear of pain that makes it difficult for some women to have sex. If she is afraid of penetration, you can first start by inserting a finger inside her vagina during foreplay. Then, if she s comfortable, insert another finger and practice fingering until she overcomes the fear, which could include bleeding during sex the first time.

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If she s not comfortable with you fingering her, advise her to finger herself. After all, she will know better about what works for her. You need to win her confidence and make her feel as comfortable as possible in bed. It is mainly because of anxiety that women develop the fear of pain during sexual intercourse. If this doesn t work either, then it might be time to consult a gynaecologist because in some cases, the hymen can be too thick due to which penetration is so painful.

If that s the case, then she might be told to undergo a minor surgical procedure where a small slit is made through the hymen which will make sex more comfortable for her. However, in most cases that isn t required. If she is unable to get over her fear and anxiety of having sex, consult a psychologist for supportive psychotherapy and behavioural modification. These forms of therapy will help her cope with her fear and anxiety. Here s what you need to know about first-time sex and losing your virginity.

Watch this video to know what you should do on your first night (suhaag raat):

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