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No matter how strong your bond, your relationship can sometimes go through testing times. It could be infidelity, a clash of ideologies or problems with the in laws; you wonder whether your marriage or your relationship can overcome the hurdle. Truth be told, some couples have bounced back despite hitting rock bottom, which proves that problems could sometimes be a good thing! These five serious relationship problems may sometimes help your relationship grow stronger!
When it comes to love, there isn't a bigger evil than infidelity. It's a deal breaker. There's nothing much left of the bond once the trust is out of the window and sadly, the relationship can cave under the weight of insecurity and doubt. Luckily for many couples, cheating is a turning point in their relationship. For a 30-something Mumbai couple, who don't wish to reveal their names, infidelity turned out to be a real eye-opener. "When I cheated, I realised it had more to do with me than her. I realised that I had a low self-esteem problem, which led me to sleep with my colleague in the first place. But the maturity with which she handled the news when she found out made me realise what a fool I was; my reckless act could have endangered our relationship. Now, I have been getting therapy and finding lesser damaging ways to fuel my low self-esteem." It takes an episode of infidelity for the couple to realise there was something amiss in their lives. Husbands and wives who have cheated may realise that physical attraction is a short-lived high that cannot be compared to the warmth and security of a long-term relationship. Couples can also address the underlying issues that caused the erring partner to stray in the first place. If you can tide through cheating, your relationship can deal with any hurdle that life throws at you.
Couples who have lived with each other for too long find that they aren't the same sexually-charged people who couldn't keep their hands off each other. Familiarity takes the mystery away from the relationship, making some couples seek thrill outside their relationship. However, a lack of sexual attraction is not a sign that your relationship is over. "I never thought I could be bored of sex with my husband. Although I love him to bits and think that he's a very attractive man, sex with him became tedious. Soon he realised it too. Sowe took to role-playing and exploring each other's sexual fantasy. We started maintaining mystery and went back to being the people we were when we first met. And before we knew it, we were having sex more frequently," says 27-year-old Shruti from Bangalore. There are ways to bring back the spark into your sex life, irrespective of the years you have spent with each other. You could end up seeing a side of each other you have never seen before as you reawaken your lost feelings for each other. Do you want to know some of the secrets of sexual attraction?
Your partner is reckless with money. You only realised it five years into the relationship, when he squandered all his savings on impulse purchases. Don't fall for what idealists say; money is important! But so is your relationship, on which both of you have worked hard on. If your partner has a problem controlling his or her impulses, stand by them and help them seek professional help. In course of time, the two of you will grow stronger as a couple. When Deepak realised that that his wife was living paycheck-to-paycheck, he was stunned. "She was making more money than me. But at the end of the month, she had to beg and borrow from friends. She was doing this for quite sometime before I realised it. She spent her money on clothes and expensive spa visits, while I was paying the bills." he recalls. In any other couple, this could have caused a rift between the couple. Financial infidelity is also as serious as emotional or sexual. "I realised that her reckless spending was stemming from psychological issues. We consulted a psychologist and are together working on her problems. It has brought us together as a couple. This problem was a blessing in disguise," he reveals. Some types of cheating are as serious as sexual cheating.
Different parenting styles
You were brought up in an authoritarian household while your partner enjoyed a lot of liberties as a child. You want to be a strict disciplinarian parent while your partner believes in being friends with the children. This has driven a wedge between many a happy family. For Krishna and Mahesh Shah, bringing up their children in Mahesh's traditional household was causing marital rift. "I wanted my son and daughter to grow up in an egalitarian household where both had equal importance irrespective of their gender. But my in-laws were trying to mould them in their traditional ideal, where my daughter was made do household chores and my son wasn't. My husband argued that it is important to stick to our traditional values, which could be good for the children in the long run. This caused a lot of fights between my husband and me. Soon, I explained to my husband and my in-laws that both the boy and the girl has to learn to be independent without sacrificing any of their traditional values, so doing chores shouldn't be the responsibility of only one. Thankfully, that worked. Instead of going at each other's throats, the Shah couple sat down like adults and found a middle ground for their distinct parenting styles.
Are you are your partner giving prime time news anchors a run for their money? Is your house turning into a BJP versus Congress battlefield? Ideological differences may seem like a trivial problem, but in the long run, it can cause couples to fall apart due to constant bickering. Yet many couples have learnt to put their egos and their differences of opinion aside by trying to understand each other's perspectives. It can teach you a lesson or two in compromise. Shawn D'Costa and his wife Dhwani were known as the "opposites" when they first started dating. Both had different views on everything, from political ideologies to comic books. "I remember once almost tore each other's hair off when debate on Batman vs Iron Man went violent. Another argument on Modi and Kejriwal also had a similar outcome. I didn't want us to bicker over these silly things because I really love the girl and she makes me happy, except when she fights. Today, we are a lot more mature. She appreciates Marvel comics today as I do Modi's new brand of politics," he says.
Differences and problems shouldn't always mean that your relationship is over! Remember what they say: "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Like these couples, some serious relationship issues can bring you closer than before.
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