Men keep these 5 things in mind if you are having an affair with a woman older to you

This can serve as your survival guide.

Editorial Team | Updated: November 2, 2018 9:21 pm

Attraction is fatal and it knows no boundaries. Attraction is what makes you go wild, go beyond what the society terms as righteousness and fall head over heels for someone defying all logic and rational. Attraction is that fire which is fuelled with your passion and desire. This is why it becomes so difficult to stop one from falling in love or getting into an affair when attraction strikes. It doesn’t help to reason things, it doesn’t help to make him foresee consequences, it doesn’t help to explain the right from the wrong. When you are attracted to someone logic takes a backseat and passion controls the head and the heart. This is why when a man falls for a woman older than him we find it difficult to digest the entire fact. But two partners (no matter their age) should be left alone the external forces and people have no business invading the peaceful and romantic territory of two lovers.

But when it comes to having an affair with a woman older in age there are a lot of things that a man needs to consider. No, we are not talking about how the society is going to ridicule the affair. We presume if you can break the norms resurrected by the society and get into a relationship in your own terms, despite the woman being older to you, you are quite mature to counter the brickbats.

But men listen up if you are getting into a relationship with a woman older to you don’t take your relationship for granted. Don’t make a mistake of thinking that just because she is elder to you she doesn’t need affection, adulations and warmth that younger girls crave for. If you take things for granted then you will be heading for a doom in the relationship. Here Dr Sanghanayak Meshram, psychiatrist and sexologist, Mumbai explains what men should keep in mind while dating or having an affair with an elder woman.

Respect: ‘Both partners might have their own reasons to get into an affair. Most of the time when the woman is older it is an emotional need or void that she is looking to fulfil. She might fall for a younger man who enjoys her company and get into a relationship. On the other hand, a man might just get involved with an older woman to get over his loneliness or because an older woman’s company stimulates him intellectually. Whatever the reason there should be mutual respect in the relation. The man should know that no matter what he should not take the woman for a ride and respect her needs and limitations. It is important to ensure that he gives her enough emotional support and his affection should not be confined only in bed,’ he says. It is rightly said that without respect no relationship can thrive and flourish, even if the girl is younger in age. Here are few things to keep in mind while having sex with an older woman.

Communicate: We cannot stress enough on the fact that a key to a healthy relationship is communication. ‘It is important for the man, in this case, to communicate with his partner about his anxieties and apprehensions because in terms of maturity they are not in the same zone. On the other hand, a woman should also know to respect the man’s shortcomings when he is younger to her. Else, it can take a beating on his ego. It is important for the couple to look at each other as individuals irrespective of the age and have fewer expectations right from the beginning. Expectations can kill the essence of a beautiful relationship,’ he says.

Have clear perspective: Sometimes when the woman is older she might not be single and if you are getting involved with a married woman be clear about what you want from the relationship. The chances that she will leave her family and settle with you are grim. ‘So, if you are attracted to an older woman have a clear perspective. Else, it could create a rift in your relationship later. If she is single and you wish to enjoy a happy matrimony with her still talk about it and don’t just assume things. Many women prefer to be in a relationship without having to get into the marital bliss,’ says Dr Meshram.

Know your limitations: ‘When it comes to matters of sex, communication becomes crucial. An older woman might have several physiological problems like a backache, postmenopausal issues which can be a dampener in bed. Never go beyond what she can give you or make the experience painful for her. Respect her limitations and accept her desires, especially if you want the relationship to thrive and grow outside the bedroom. If you want to experiment with sex positions or try out different things to break the monotony in bed first have an open talk with her and make her feel comfortable. If she isn’t then don’t force her,’ advises Dr Meshram.

Use contraception: Don’t leave anything to chance. Just because she is elder to you doesn’t mean you should not explore the options of contraception. ‘Use condoms whenever you have sex. It is not just to prevent an unwanted pregnancy but will protect you from other kinds of STDs too. Remember, using condoms also means that you respect your relationship and are not reckless about it in bed,’ says Dr Meshram.

Image source: Shutterstock

Published: June 28, 2018 8:19 pm | Updated:November 2, 2018 9:21 pm

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