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How To Support A Couple Suffering From Infertility: What To Say And What Not To

How To Support A Couple Suffering From Infertility: What To Say And What Not To

Going through infertility can be tough. Here are certain things you should keep in mind when supporting a couple suffering from fertility issues.

Written by Longjam Dineshwori |Updated : October 3, 2022 10:34 AM IST

Couples who are struggling to get pregnant are usually bombarded with advice about dos and don'ts from family members, friends and colleagues. The inability to reproduce can trigger intense negative emotions such as shame, guilt, low self-esteem, anxiety, frustration, depression, hopelessness, etc. So, if you know a couple suffering from infertility issues, be very careful of what you say to them. Sometimes, your innocent suggestion can send the wrong message, and end up hurting their feelings more.

"Going through infertility is a lot to take for couples who are trying hard to conceive for a longer time. Looking at happy families around them or attending functions with kids around may make them feel really sad and hopeless," said Dr. Pallavi Prasad,Fertility Consultant at Nova IVF Fertility, Basaveshwaranagar, Bengaluru.

She continued, "A lot of treatment and therapies can help them during this time, but do you know what doesn't help during this time? Hearing words like " You need to relax" or "You should do this or follow that to increase your chances of conception". Saying this to someone who is suffering from infertility will not only make them sad, but it will also make you insensitive and ignorant towards the couple and the condition itself. There are plenty of ways to show support and it all starts with choosing the right words."

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Below, Dr. Pallavi has shared some tips to follow while you are intending to support a couple suffering from infertility.

Right ways to talk about infertility

Here are certain things you should keep in mind when supporting your colleague with fertility issues, as suggested by Dr. Pallavi:

Take their problems seriously: People often ignore talking on this topic as they think it can be a bit uncomfortable for the infertile couple to talk about it. Most of the time they skip the discussion by saying "Just relax". Such people need to understand that they are avoiding giving this issue the attention and discussion it requires. So, no matter what you think, avoiding the discussion is not always healthy.

Don't complain about your own pregnancy: Your pregnant belly can be a painful sight to your friend who is going through infertility and bringing the topic of your own pregnancy in every conversation can make it worse. You can talk about it if the other person asks you about your pregnancy out of concern.

Talk about treatments: Telling your friends about several possibilities to deal with their infertility can help them plan their next step. Saying things like "My friend tried IVF and they successfully conceived" can work well.

Tell them to be positive in the situation while not ignoring their feelings: Come up with valid solutions and tell them that there is still hope and you can still conceive. And even if you can't, there are other options available to achieve the dream of parenthood.

Tell them that you are available whenever they need to talk: Talking to someone who understands their issue can help them better deal with the trauma. Telling them that you are here when they need to talk may make them feel heard and supported.

Their feelings are valid: Sometimes couples who suffer from infertility are overwhelmed with negative emotions like jealousy, anger and frustration. Being a friend, you should let them know that such feelings are obvious considering the trauma that you have to go through.

Be understanding: Offering listening to your friend can make a big impact on their mental health. Their behaviour and sadness is valid and you need to understand if they don't want to be a part of some baby shower or your delivery.

Going through infertility can be tough but surrounding yourself with the right and understanding people can be really helpful in finding hope and support, Dr. Pallavi added.