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Fertility Envy Can Take Over Your Emotions: Learn From A Doctor How To Deal With It?

When you're struggling to get pregnant, it is likely to feel envious of people who have babies. Here are some tips to help you deal with fertility envy better.

Written by Editorial Team |Updated : October 11, 2022 1:39 PM IST

It's possible that you and your partner have been trying to conceive for the longest time yet have been unsuccessful in doing so. It is also natural to feel envious of people who have babies or are expectant mothers who will be giving birth to newborns soon, when you have been struggling to get pregnant. Fertility envy is a natural feeling which does not make you a bad person. However, after a certain point you need to keep your emotions in check and not let this feeling of envy harm you or someone else in any way.

There could be times when your pregnant friend could complain about how she feels uncomfortable in very stages of her pregnancy or how she is struggling to take care of her newborn. This could evoke a negative reaction from you about how you could have traded anything to be in the same situation as your friend or how they are not appreciative of what they have. Remember, that they are not any less appreciate of what they have and are simply sharing their experiences which is a part of the journey, from conception to the time when they finally becoming a parent.

There are multiple tips to help you deal with fertility envy better, some of these include:

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Seek help from a medical professional

In case you have been failing to conceive for a long time, it is advisable to schedule a visit with your gynecologist at the earliest who will be able to diagnose the exact cause of your problem and provide you with medical solutions for the same, helping you to conceive and experience a healthy pregnancy.

Speak to your friend

It is quite possible that you are becoming envious of your pregnant friends without completely knowing the story of how they conceived. There is a possibility that even your friends had a problem while conceiving initially. Ask them about how they overcome their problems. In case they sought help of a good gynecologist or fertility expert, they could refer you to them as well, which may prove helpful in your case.

Try being happy for your friend

Avoid looking at your friends as a competition and try being genuinely happy for them. It is completely okay to feel sad for yourself but try reminding yourself that sooner or later even you will have a family and how everyone's journey is different.

Giving a miss to events involving the baby

It is absolutely okay to give baby showers or any other occasion to celebrate the baby's birth a miss. Nobody is going to judge you for the same. Concentrate on your well-being and if any of these occasions put you under some distress, try avoiding going to these events. You can wish your friends a little later.

Consider your options

The rapid advancement of medical technologies has made it easier for one to get pregnant by employing procedures such as IVF or Surrogacy in case you are facing difficulties getting pregnant the conventional way. Skepticism regarding these procedures is gradually fading away with more and more couples exploring these options and becoming happy parents in recent times. Getting in touch with a medical professional will help you decide the best route that you and your partner can undertake on the journey of trying to start a family.


The best way in which you cope with fertility envy is to acknowledge your feelings and understand that is normal to have them. Try forgiving yourself and seek help. Do not let them possess your emotions in any way as this may simply lead to further stress building up in your body which is not an ideal state of affairs while planning pregnancy as stress can prove to be detrimental for your reproductive health.

The article is written by Dr. Kalyani Shrimali, Fertility Consultant at Nova IVF Fertility, Indore.

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