5 ways to ease separation anxiety in babies

Did you know that separation anxiety indicates better mental health of your baby? Read to know more

By: Debjani Arora | | Updated: October 9, 2014 4:58 pm

It’s not unnatural for babies to throw tantrums, cry aloud or cling to you when you are just about to leave your child behind and walk out of the room. This anxiety or trauma that draws upon babies when the mother or a primary care giver has to separate albeit for a brief moment is termed as – separation anxiety. Also Read - Giving birth in the time of COVID-19: Can moms spread the virus to their newborns?

Even if you may feel that bringing up a child means the end of your own life as you knew it, you should know that separation anxiety is a good sign of development. ‘It starts in babies at around six months of age and stays till a little more than two years. Separation anxiety is a normal stage of growth and development in babies,’ says Dr Geetanjali Shah, paediatrician Supraja Foundation and Ashvini IVF Center, Mumbai. Also Read - Pregnancy tips: Swimming is a good exercise for moms-to-be

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Separation anxiety in babies stems due to insecurity and a need for warmth, love and care. Babies have strong instincts that attune them about their mother’s behaviour and actions. So even with the best efforts there can be times when it’s difficult for the baby to cope with the trauma and anxiety of separation from the mother. ‘A baby nurses this fear or trauma of separation from the mother due to the insecurity or fear of lack of the basic necessities like food, water, sleep and care in the absence of the mother,’ says Dr Shah.

In fact lack of separation anxiety should make you worry. ‘This can often mean that your baby is not catching up with the mental milestones with age or is not bothered about the environment around. This can also mean that there is an underlying mental condition your baby may suffer from, like autism or have delayed social responses,’ says Dr Shah. This indicates that your baby isn’t developing right at least when it comes to his mental growth. So when you see the signs that your baby is agitated and cranky after sensing that you are about to leave, embrace your child. Do remember that separation anxiety also means that you are needed and mean the most to your child.

While all the above may have sounded very theoretical and you are still wondering how to help your baby cope with separation anxiety, here’s what you can do:

Take short trips out: If you know that you have appointments to keep or are planning to resume back work don’t do it drastically. A prolonged separation can result in severe trauma in babies less than one year of age. Instead start to take trips out of the house for short span of time; so that your baby gets an idea that you are bound to be back soon. But before you do this make sure you leave your baby with a caregiver who is friendly and caring enough. Ask for help around. A family member, usually the grandma, turns to be the babysitter in such situations. If you don’t have an elderly person or any other member to care of your baby, hire a maid and train her accordingly. It would be wise to have the maid even before your delivery so she knows the rules of the house and has enough time to bond with your baby during those early moments of post natal care. Read our new mum’s guide for better bonding with the baby.

Never walk out in front of your child: Though many experts advice to practice this and believe that only making your child aware that you would be off for a while directly helps take on the strains of separation anxiety, Dr Shah advices otherwise. ‘Leaving the baby and walking out of the door while she stares at you and howls will only increase the trauma levels. Instead prepare your baby beforehand. Tell your baby that you would be out for a while and be back soon. Even when your baby doesn’t do the talking you speech is well understood by the little one. But leave when your baby isn’t aware of your exit,’ says Dr Shah. The same doesn’t apply to toddlers though. ‘When your baby is a bit grown up or understands your actions well, ask your baby to accompany you to the car or the door. Kiss goodbye and say you will be back soon. These simple actions go in a long way to help your baby settle and cope with the trauma of separation,’ informs Dr Shah.

Take advantage of technology: There are a lot of baby friendly devices in the market you can choose to record your voice or videos. ‘Record the lullabies or rhymes that you recite the most to your baby. Also do a short video recording of your telling your baby that you will be back soon or just urging her to finish the food on the plate. In this way you simulate your baby’s auditory and visual sense despite the distance and it also relieves your baby of the anxiety,’ says Dr Shah. Alternatively you can gift a smart phone to the grandparent who wishes to babysit on your absence and record your voice or a short video of yours. This serves a dual purpose – the grandparent is happy and so is the baby. ‘But don’t try to talk to your baby over the phone this can again lead to a surge in the anxiety levels as listening to the voice live isn’t the same as listening to a recording,’ cautions Dr Shah. Read to know about ten things you should not buy for your baby.

Make use of a breast pump: For breastfed babies separation anxiety is a challenge to overcome going from the warmth and comfort of the mother’s skin to the bottle. Not able to suckle or have adequate supply of breast milk can make separation anxiety more unbearable. ‘Express enough milk and keep to help your baby rejoice the taste and feel satiated while you are away. Even though your baby might miss on the skin-to-skin contact of breastfeeding, the taste of breast milk can help your baby lessen the pain of separation,’ says Dr Shah. Alternatively also express some milk on the nursing pad and place it in the corner of your baby’s play area. ‘A baby’s sense of smell is very strong. Only a baby can sniff the breast milk soaked in the nursing pads present inside the room and feel connected with the mother while she is away. But this strong sense of smell goes away by around seven or eight months,’ says Dr Shah. Read to know about the uses and advantages of a breast pump.

Don’t prolong the separation period: Practising the above mentioned techniques will help your baby cope with the anxiety of separation and also settle in a routine with time, good support of the secondary caregiver with enough affection. But never take undue advantage of it. ‘If your baby is accustomed to greet you back home at a particular time every evening try and stick to it with sheer determination. Fluctuating timings can make it difficult for your baby to cope with the stressors or the trauma of separation,’ informs Dr Shah. This can result in an underlying anxiety related problems in the future and affect your baby’s developing personality too.

When should you worry?

Usually separation anxiety will leave your child by the age of two or a little more than that, when your baby gets accustomed to the surrounding, the ups and downs of the daily hustle bustle and grows enough to understand that a short span of absence isn’t something to worry about. But if your baby is above two years and is still clingy, refuses to attend play school, be social, and suffer from lack of sleep chances are it can indicate a deeper problem called the separation anxiety disorder. This will need psychological help. Talk to a child counselor and check on your baby’s mental health status.

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Published : March 27, 2014 5:37 pm | Updated:October 9, 2014 4:58 pm

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