5 things you shouldn’t say to a woman in labour

Talk sense to a labouring women. We tell you how

By: Debjani Arora | | Updated: November 2, 2015 6:55 pm

Labour definitely isn’t the most fascinating part of pregnancy and we all know that. The entire process of labour is debilitating, distressing and overwhelming for most women. While there are ways one can opt to ease the pains of labour – medication, acupressure, back massage, epidural – there are words that can do more damage to the laboring mother than the actual pain. Often the partner or the caregiver is baffled at what to say and what not to, to provide enough comfort during labour. Here are the five most unproductive statements that a woman in labour hates to hear. Steer clear of them. Also Read - Why babies kick in the womb and when it starts?

You are not dilated yet: If you have just learnt that from the doctor, keep this information to yourself. A pregnant woman knows that it takes anywhere between four to 24 hours (we are not kidding here) to deliver if it’s is a normal one. Just telling her that her cervix is challenging her patience by not speeding up the process of dilation will only increase the stress levels in her. And stress isn’t a good companion for a laboring mother. Also Read - Late Pregnancy: Planning to get pregnant in 40s? Here are the probable complications

How to help: Labour pain is excruciating no matter at what stage it is. If you really want to offer some help watch for the signs that tell you what the mother needs the most. If you see her sweating, switch on the AC or offer a face sponge with a towel dipped in cool water. Offer some massage to ease the pain. Try it only if you are confident of doing it right and have learnt the basics from your antenatal classes, else just pat her forehead or shoulder gently. Don’t show signs of uneasiness, that’s going to just make her anxiety levels soar. Talk to her only if she is interested. Idle talking now is not a good idea. Read five ways to ease back pain during labour. Also Read - Pregnancy fatigue can be exhausting: Easy ways to overcome this problem

Save all that energy for the active phase: It is expected of a laboring woman to shout, cry, and throw tantrums throughout the labour. If you aren’t equipped to handle all this, opt out of being a laboring partner. A laboring woman doesn’t need to know in which phase she is. Any phase, any stage mocks her with unbearable pain. This just makes her uncomfortable making her sense that she isn’t allowed to express her distress and pain even amidst known faces.

How to help: Be patient with her tantrums. You can’t do much here other than being a mute spectator. Some women in labour hate being touched or patted too, so you have to tread the phase carefully without adding more distress to the mother. Recite some mantras or play some light music, especially the ones she listened the most during her pregnancy. See if she is okay to be touched and patted; if yes then do the needful to comfort her.

This pain is good: She needs no reminder. Every woman knows that she has to endure pain and the most agonizing one while in labour. But this is not the right moment to tell her that. Be quite and pray or just turn away. Make sure you also don’t tell her that everyone goes through this. Hell yes they do, but those moments are just not the ones to dole out unwitting wisdom. Read six signs that say you are labour ready.

How to help: Just don’t talk or remind her about the pain ever. Make a conscious effort to keep the word ‘pain’ out of your conversations with the mother or anyone else in the labour room.

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You are distressing the baby: Stop saying that. You have no idea how much she has endured during the pregnancy and how she kept off all odds for the sake of her baby. Sure she isn’t doing all that deliberately and if you can’t deal with all the antics of a laboring woman don’t scare her taking the advantage of the baby.

How to help: If you have tried enough to soothe her and failed well just don’t give up. She still is struggling, makes sense if you also do the same.

It’s time push, push harder: This often comes from the doctor or the unsympathetic attendant. Well it’s easier said than done. Of course she is trying hard to birth her baby and is trying it with all her might. It helps if one doesn’t make it a command and action process but a gentle birthing one.

How to help: You can’t get rough with the doctor or the attendant here. So bend down and come closer to her ears and tell her to breathe out. Encourage her to concentrate on her breathing and now dole out the tips that she has learnt during the antenatal classes. Though there is a very low probability that she will be hearing you out, that’ the most you can do. Be sure you have attended those sessions of the antenatal class with her when the techniques were taught.

Wise wisdom for the pregnant mother: Prepare well in advance. Educate your partner, or other caregivers who plan to be with your during labour. Make sure you tell them to stay away from these unsentimental commands.

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Published : March 28, 2014 5:49 pm | Updated:November 2, 2015 6:55 pm

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