Why the world loves to judge ‘moms’

Why the world loves to judge ‘moms’

Dear mom, neither are you feeding your child right nor are you boosting her confidence enough! Yes, I am judging you.

Written by Debjani Arora |Updated : October 9, 2015 9:39 AM IST

If you are a mother, you will know that your actions, your reactions and your decisions are being judged by the whole world and your family alike. Some people do it deliberately, some subconsciously. A survival tactic that you develop over a period of time is to ignore and get ahead with your choices. Of course, what matters to you most is your own child and not the naysayers. However, this wisdom doesn t come easy, and there are chances that the unpleasant voices can play in your mind over and over again, making you doubt your own parenting skills.

While I am sure you are a great mother, believe me, we all are, here is why others judge us rather than minding their own business. Understanding these reasons will help you deal with that doubting devil in your head.

Judging is easier than co-operating: There is no iota of effort involved in judging. Most people who judge you are either a non-parent, elderly or other parents who want to outsmart you with their parenting skills. So, while one isn t able to understand what goes into being a better parent and trying to keep your sanity, judging becomes an easy option. The world would have been a better place for mothers if everyone understood that parenting is sacred and is a personal choice, not a competition to be a better mother. I personally feel if people stop judging mothers and their parenting, many incidences of postpartum depression can be brought under control. Also read, I stopped loving myself after I became a mother.

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You choose to do things differently: Sometimes people judge us because we choose to do things differently opt for bottle feeding over breastfeeding, homeschool over regular schools or choose an extreme sport for a hobby. Never mind your good intentions, ]there will always be someone who will judge you because they didn t do it that way. Because sticking to the conventional ways was easy and their children just did fine. Gosh, you never thought that gossip mongers could talk about your parenting skills just like they do about your dressing sense when they see you in your pyjamas sending off your child to school. If you are a working mother, well, God bless you. Here is why working mother's should practice guilt-free parenting.

Empathy doesn t come easily: We often talk about community rearing and, believe me, that is a distant dream. If the community as a whole came forward to help a mother bring up her child, we would have heaven on earth. But that is not the case; people who pass judgment too early fail to understand what a mother goes through while trying to bring up her child with good values and wisdom in an increasingly cruel world. If only one could step into a mother s shoes and understand how she keeps her temper in control, the frustration brewing within her, to teach her little one a lesson in humility and love -- mothers would have garnered more appreciation and smiles. I really wish one knew the sea of emotions that a woman wades through to act normally with her child. Empathy sure could help us, but probably I am expecting a little too much. Here are 10 things I never apologise for as a mother.

It doesn t cost a thing to give opinions: Oh your child is so skinny, probably you don t feed her well. Do you give her milk, cheese? Oh, you do? Then why is she so thin? Yes, it is easy to hurl those phrases at a mother who has a skinny child, for all you know probably her entire day goes running after her child to help her eat a morsel or two. Your child has cavities; don t you take care of her dental hygiene? Heck, she does. No one in the world might fret about hygiene like her, but it still doesn t help her. Your child is weak in Math? Probably you should give up your job and spend more time with her. Oh yes, only if you agree to pay the bills for me. Your child s intelligence is another parameter that people use to judge your mothering skills. This can really put us off, but thankfully some mothers are smart enough to look beyond academic grades and appreciate their child s real talent.

If I have to tell you what I do while I know I am being judged for all my actions, I smile, keep my head high up and move on, while a my heart aches incessantly, shouting silently Why, oh why, the world can t be a better place for us mothers.

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