Written By: Debjani Arora | Updated : November 17, 2015 6:57 AM IST
These days it isn t unusual for young children (even in fifth or sixth grade) to fall in 'love' and have romantic partners. If you have managed to keep the communication open and built trust and security around your child, you might end up being her confidant too, even when she's a teenager. As a parent, you know that even teenage isn t the right age or an interest that your child should indulge in. But you cannot say that on her face. So what do you do? You cannot brush off the situation nor can you tell your child that loving someone is bad. Here are five life lessons children teach their moms.
The trouble is your child at such a tender age can t differentiate between love and infatuation. So, when love (or that's what she thinks it is) enters her life, you need to be more careful to guide and channelise her emotions in the right direction. Here are 10 ways to help your child develop into a great human being.
If you are worried about your child getting closer to someone particular from the opposite sex, Freyaz Shroff, parenting counsellor and life coach, Mumbai, tells you what you should do.
Don t fret or be very direct about your dislike: Both of these reactions can have an adverse impact on your child. She might stop confiding in you and you might be clueless about her well-being and emotions. Instead, have open-ended conversations like, Do you really understand what is love? , Why is it that he/she is so special to you? Don t pressurise her to give the answers. Give her enough time and space to ponder on them. Her answers will give you an idea of her thoughts and help you guide her better on the emotional graph. Know why your no isn t as powerful as you think for your child.
Don t wait till it s too late: One thing that you can t help is to stop your child from getting attracted or interested in someone from the opposite sex. But what you can definitely do is prepare her to love herself and emerge as a confident person. Self-appreciation, assertiveness and sense of independence helps a child become more real and understand intimate emotions. Wondering how this works? Imagine this: When your child gets A or A+ in her grades, this develops her self-esteem. When she works hard to improve her grade from B to A, this makes her more empowered. Such children who grow up working on their own skills don t look for external appreciation. Most of the time, infatuation (that children term as love) is a sudden urge for appreciation from others due to lack of internal satisfaction or appreciation from their efforts from adults.
Talk when it is time: Rejection hits innocent minds more than it does the adults. So beware, and decide when it is the right time to talk to your child about knowing the difference between infatuation and love. This will save her from the wounds of rejection, in case she has to face one. However, it is important that you know the differences yourself. If not, try this simple approach: tell your child that love is when you don t expect a thing in return of your feelings. Infatuation is when you want to control and expect the person to behave just the way you want him/her too, and that is bad. It takes ages for an adult to understand this difference, so it isn t going to be any easier for your child. But don t give up, talk, talk and talk. Talk about love, stories that portray selfless love and invest time and energy in things where your child needs improvements be it maths, elocution or dance. Triumphing over her weakness or improving her skills will gradually help her to introspect feelings and be more self-accepting.
Love more and love often: One thing that you should question yourself is that if there is a love deficit in your child s life. Children need love, and they need more of it. When they aren t satisfied, they will express it in different ways aggression, tantrums or seeking love outside the home. So be very sure that all your actions (even the punishments that you give) mimic love. Parental love is the security children bank on to grow, develop and evolve as emotional beings. So love beyond reasons and love to the fullest. Here are five things you should never do while punishing your little one.
Take care of emotions: Some children are goal-oriented or they are trained to be that way, which isn t a parents fault either. But too much obsession isn t advised. If you have trained your child to be an achiever or a go-getter, be sure you teach her how to be grounded too. For instance, if you see her fretting too much about losing a spelling competition or the first position in the class, help her realise that there is always a next time. Children who are too obsessed with their progress and hobbies at times find it difficult to handle emotional matters. This is when infatuation takes a turn for worse. So be careful.
Things you can do to develop your child s emotional well-being:
1. From a very early age (like around two years of age) make your child accountable for her actions. Simple things like keeping her toys in the basket after playing or putting the dishes in the sink after meals will help. This is the first step in helping your child learn about self-respect and life expectations. These lessons help an individual to take the right emotional decisions later.
2. Work on her confidence either by engaging in a hobby class or enrolling in dramatics or sports. Extracurricular activities go a long way in helping your child being aware of emotions and feelings.
3. Compliment your child and appreciate her little efforts. This builds self-esteem that helps her seek satisfaction from within rather than seeking it from other people around.
4. Set the right value system. This could be like writing a gratitude diary at the end of the day to understand and analyse emotions better.
5. Communicate, love and listen to your child. The power of these three things is immeasurable when it comes to making your child emotionally stable.
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