Want to be your child’s best friend? Follow these healthy conversation practices

In the digital age, when everyone is hooked to mobile phones and tablets, communication has taken a big blow. If that’s the case with you and your child, you might want to revisit your parenting ways.

By: Sukriti Shahi | | Published: October 1, 2019 8:21 pm

Effective communication between parents and child is integral to child's development.

Communication is essential to human existence; it makes us understand our surroundings better. It generates curiosity, encourages empathy and creates opportunities to know more and know better. However, communication is being replaced by gadgets and effective conversations are being changed to ‘me’ time. People, age no bar, spend more time on mobile phones or consider watching a web series better than talking. Unfortunately, this phenomenon has creeped in a parent-child relation also and that’s more than upsetting. From first five formative years to adolescence and then teenage, a child goes through many phases before hitting adulthood. Even if he disagrees, he needs his parent’s guidance and support at every step of his life. This relationship based on confidence and trust is built slowly. Needless to say, it happens through effective communication which gives both the parent and the child, a way to understand each other.

Psychologists believe that a child who talks openly with his parents with no fear has better cognitive and personality development. This happens because of the confidence that simple and liberal conversations instil him. This not only makes the parent-child bond stronger, it also makes a child listen to instructions and information essential for him. On the hand, regular conversations at home will make the child share issues and problems he might be facing at personal front. Follow these simple steps to have effective communication with your child.

Listen first, it’s better than talking

Listen to your child with your whole body. Working simultaneously and listening to him might work for you but not for him. Also, parents tend to share their life experiences at the drop of the hat. Don’t do that but wait for him to finish. Once you know what exactly he is going through and his thought process, including your piece of mind would make sense then. Do not interrupt, let him finish first. You might say a thing or two in between the gaps but wait for him to finish talking. Also, being a good and patient listener would make him interested in the everyday ritual of holding conversations. Start with simple topics like, ‘how was your day?, what all did you do?, did you enjoy doing that activity?, Tell me more about your friends?’ However, once they grow up to a certain age, conversations must be twisted a little, so he doesn’t take it as interference. It’s typical to happen to teenagers. Take it as a warm-up for days when he has a big or tricky issue to deal with that you as a parent must know about.

Set aside time for your child

Make it a ritual and set aside time for you to talk to your child. Before doing this, carefully observe how and when he wants to talk. Some like talking in morning while getting ready for school or some might want to come back and then talk about the day. Every child has a different style and liking. Shushing him if you are busy or changing his style might not b positive action. A walk to school bus, a drive to activity centre or a phone call is he’s away, everything works if your child likes.

Share positive feedback

It’s not possible that whatever a child does is likeable or right. There could be pieces of information which are hard to hear and react normally to. However, scolding, harsh punishments and annoyance might not sort out the issue for him. On contrary, it may discourage him to come and share his experiences with you in future. Try to find out a positive point, if possible. If not, shape it in a way that it doesn’t hurt him beyond repair. Keep reinforcing good things. Tell him that though you didn’t like him doing what he did, he could do better next time. Or though his action was wrong, he has a chance to fix it the next time. The idea is to discourage shaming him but sharing feedback. On the other hand, it’s equally important to praise him for his good behaviour or achievements. This encourages and inculcates good behaviour in a child.

Talk about yourself

It’s a relaxing exercise when you vent out. Obviously with a child, discussions have to be age-appropriate but talking to him about yourself and your day would make him better at listening too. He will be able to use this while dealing with his peers and people around. This will also make the parent-child bond grow stronger.

Pick up on emotions and behaviours

There might be days when he wouldn’t want to talk to you. It could be because of many issues. He’s irritated or angry, dejected or sad. No matter what the reason be, there will be moments you can strike a conversation. This makes the child feel that his feelings are important to you and you pay attention. The idea is to ask them simple questions associating them with their feelings. In case you catch them being irritated or restless, pick up on that moment and ask them if there’s a way you could help. However, give them time; let them come back and talk. Do not push him into any discussion, ask politely if he wants to talk.

Include more open-end questions in a conversation

Dead-ended questions are not interesting. Specially, yes or no questions ones. There are lesser possibilities of discussions and details in such questions. Open-ended questions give an opportunity to extend the discussion. This works especially when you think that your child needs to be coaxed to give more details. These questions allow you better understanding of your child and make them feel you value their ideas and thoughts.

Published : October 1, 2019 8:21 pm

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