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My daughter turned two recently, and I am putting it very mildly when I say that terrible twos have hit me smack in my face. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, could have prepared me for the chaos that my daughter is. And I am a mom who does her research, and by research I mean I have my online community of moms where we rave and mostly rant about our kids. A friend's son hangs from the curtains after he shapeshifts into Tarzan. Then another friend has a daughter with curly pigtails, who smacks everyone standing close with windmill arms because the milk in her cereal is the wrong colour. How can I complain when all my daughter does is throw the spoon across the room, because it can reach me faster!
Anyway, my problem is not my toddler. She is only acting her age. My problem is the condescending looks I get from some parents when my toddler throws a tantrum in a crowded restaurant. My problem is with all the unsolicited advice I get about how I am ruining my child's mental stability by feeding her the wrong foods. To all the judgemental people out there, who love to pass passive-aggressive comments about other parents, here are a few things I need you to shut up about.
1. Screen time: If you send me one more link about how more than 7.3 seconds of screen time will make my child into a retard couch potato, please understand that I have killed you in my mind 20 times already. And I did so by stabbing you in slow motion. And you died a painful death.
2. Tantrums: If I let my child 'cry-it-out', she will become an emotionally-hardened, love-deprived adult, who will have difficulty in dealing with physical interaction later in life. If I hug her and try to shift her attention, then I am feeding her tantrums and she will never learn to handle her feelings! Do you listen to yourself?
3. Discipline: Disciplining a tiny person who can hardly hold her pants up makes as much sense as brushing your teeth while eating chocolate cookies. I know my living room paints a different picture, but I am not running a bootcamp here. I'll stop my child if she starts hitting people, but if I can't even let her throw mud in the park, I'll be stealing her childhood away!
4 Feeding habits: Don't. Even. Start. That. Feeding a toddler is difficult enough without you ghost whispering in my head. I don't care that you feed only organic, farm-fed, clean sourced produce to your child. Good for you. I thank my stars if my toddler shows interest in anything not covered in ketchup or yoghurt. Yes, I can make my own ketchup from tomatoes from my kitchen garden.
5. Potty training: What you say, "Is she still wearing diapers?" What I hear, "Oh, you are such a failure. My darling little snowflake not only goes to the toilet all by herself, but she knows to flush correctly!" Unless you are paying for the truckload of diapers we go through in a month, I do not want to read your blogpost on 'potty training made easy -- just like childsplay!'
Get the drift, people? Do not mess with a toddler mommy. We are so bogged by our toddler's screams a.k.a warcry that we can snap at any given moment, and you do not want to be caught in the thick of it. So tread with caution. Peace!
Read this in Hindi.
Image source: Shutterstock
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