How Should You Talk To Your Child About Your Cancer Diagnosis? Experts Share Useful Tips
"When a child learns a parent has been diagnosed with cancer, they may experience a range of emotions such as fear, confusion, sadness, and anxiety. They might worry about the well-being of their loved one..." said an expert.
It was quite a shocker for fans of the British royal family from around the world, when they learnt about the devastating news of Kate Middleton's cancer. The Princess of Wales -- formerly the Duchess of Cambridge -- who, prior to going public with her news, had been on a hiatus following a scheduled abdominal surgery earlier this year, released a sentimental video last month and shared her heartbreaking health update with fans and followers from around the world.
In her statement, the senior member of the royal family -- who is married to Prince William -- said some tests conducted after her surgery in January detected the presence of cancer. "Following the advice of my medical team, I am now in the initial stages of a preventive chemotherapy course. William and I were deeply shocked by this diagnosis. We are focusing on managing this situation privately for the well-being of our young family."
The 42-year-old is a mother of three children: Prince George, 10, Princess Charlotte, 8, and Prince Louis, 5. She also confessed in her statement -- that came after weeks of wild speculations about her whereabouts and well-being -- that it had taken the couple time to "explain everything to George, Charlotte and Louis in a way that is appropriate to them, and to reassure them that [she is] going to be okay".
Explaining cancer to a child can be complicated. Their fragile minds may not be ready to grasp the inevitability of the deadly disease. Yet, it is encouraged that parents break the news to them in a manner that they can comprehend. Communication within the family, especially with respect to a parent undergoing treatment for the dreaded illness, is super important, experts say.
But, How To Broach The Subject And Break It Down?
To answer this question, it is important to first understand the psyche of a child. What goes on in their brain when they are told their parents have been diagnosed with cancer? "When a child learns that a close relative, especially a parent, has been diagnosed with cancer, they may experience a range of emotions such as fear, confusion, sadness, and anxiety. They might worry about the well-being of their loved one and how it will impact their own life," said Dr Prerna Kohli, clinical psychologist and founder of MindTribe.
Dr Kohli added that children's reactions may vary widely depending on their age, personality, and previous experiences. Some may become withdrawn, others may act out or express their emotions openly through crying or anger. Some children may also experience physical symptoms like stomach aches or headaches.
Concurring with her, Dr Sonal Anand, psychiatrist at Wockhardt Hospitals, Mira Road said that initially, it can be overwhelming for a child, leading to confusion, fear, a sense of helplessness in the house. It can cause anxiety, stress, or panic attacks in children. "Children may even grapple with feelings of guilt, wondering if they did something to cause the illness or if they could have prevented it," she pointed out.
Dr Sonal added that when it comes to their reactions, younger children are more likely to display regression in behaviour. "Encouraging open communication, addressing any misconceptions or fears, and involving children in discussions related to cancer can help them deal with anxiety and stress," she said.
What Kind Of Reaction Is Considered To Be Healthy/Normal?
What is considered to be healthy and normal, in the manner of how the child reacts to the news -- crying, screaming, pleading, anguish, calmness? According to Dr Sonal, there is no 'one-size-fits-all' answer to this. "Each child is unique in their emotional temperament and coping strategies; caregivers should be focused on providing support and understanding through whatever range of emotions they express."
Dr Kohli stated that it is important for parents to validate their child's emotions and let them know it is okay to feel whatever they are feeling -- whether it is crying, screaming, pleading, or displaying calmness. "What matters most is that the child feels supported and loved during this difficult time."
Initial Conversations
The experts said parents should approach the subject with honesty and sensitivity, using age-appropriate language. They should provide basic information about the illness and reassure the child that they are loved and supported. It is essential to create a safe space for the child to ask questions and express their feelings. By establishing a foundation of understanding and support, parents can help their children tackle this tricky journey with bravery, they said.
How Do Conversations Differ Based On Age?
Conversations should be tailored to the child's age and developmental stage, said Dr Kohli. Since a teenager may have a better understanding of the situation, they may want more detailed information. Younger children may need simpler explanations and reassurance about their parent's well-being. Preschoolers, on the other hand, may benefit from activities like drawing or storytelling to help them process their emotions, she stated.
"A teenager is likely to respond with curiosity, or even rebellion, seeking independence and asserting their opinions," Dr Sonal cautioned.
Is It Possible To Be An Involved Parent While Navigating Cancer?
As a parent with illness, chemotherapy and radiation treatments, along with balancing responsibilities can be daunting, said Dr Sonal, adding that it is important to prioritise self-care and get support from friends, family, or support groups to deal with stress. "Communicate with your children about your condition without hesitation. Reading bedtime stories or watching a favourite movie together can create a stronger bond during hard times."
Soft, Calm Phrases For Parents To Use To Assure The Child
According to the experts, you can use the following phrases to give strength to the child:
- 'I love you.'
- 'I'm here for you.'
- 'We'll get through this together.'
- 'Everything will be okay in the end.'
- 'We won't quit'.
- 'We won't give up.'
Role of Extended Family Members
Finally, what is the role of extended family members in all this? How can they step up and offer help? "Extended family members can play a crucial role in providing support to both the sick parent and the child. They can offer practical help such as childcare or household chores, as well as emotional support by listening to the child's concerns and offering reassurance. Family members should communicate openly and work together to create a supportive environment for the entire family," Dr Kohli suggested.