Written By: Debjani Arora | Updated : December 22, 2015 10:53 AM IST
Being harsh when your kid is acting up is not a good idea, because throwing tantrums is a normal behavioural pattern for toddlers and also teens, but how you address it makes the difference. Here are few things that probably you are doing wrong which is taking her tantrums to an entirely different level.
1. You are too tired to take control of the situation: Admit it, parenting isn t easy and at the end of the day you have no energy left to negotiate things with your toddler. And if you have been one of those parents who handed out everything your child pointed the finger at, then the seed of tantrums was sown long back. Tantrums are now just a behavioural pattern that continues. Now every time you refuse, it is a war. Whether you like it or not, your defeat is likely. Here are seven simple ways to control your child s temper tantrums.
Damage control: Be firm and say no when you have to and stand by your decision even if all hell breaks loose. Children are quite manipulative; they cry because they know that s a win-win situation for them. Once you give in, it becomes a norm. As a parent, you need to be firm and unforgiving in such situations. If you can outdo their trick twice or thrice, it will help them get control over their tantrums, says Dr Pawan Sonar, child psychiatrist and counsellor, Riddhivinayak Hospital, Mumbai.
2. You fear being judged: Most of the time (either in the past or even now) you give in to the tantrums because you fear being judged by people around you. A crying, wailing baby beside a calm and composed mother, isn t a great sight for onlookers who will give you every possible stare to to make you uncomfortable. This is when your little one succeeds in manipulating you, and she knows how to do it over and over again. Read to know why the world loves to judge mothers.
Damage control: If public opinions affect you so much, then walk out of the situation with your child and don t give in. If you are at home, and you know the grandparents will interfere and fulfill your child s wish, stop them. Take your kid to your room and allow her to cry till she is over it. Don t bribe her with chocolates or candies.
3. You spend very less time with your kids: Working mums don t feel guilty; this can happen with a stay-at-home-mum too. Having too much on your plate can make you spend less time with your toddler. According to a study published in the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics on 'Temper tantrums in young children: 2.Tantrum duration and temporal organization', two things that make a child s tantrums worse are anger and distress [1]. Often, this stems from loneliness and lack of affection. Tantrums are usually a by-product of an emotional emptiness. If you have never done anything to address this problem before, there are very few chances that you will succeed in near future. Here is why working mums should practice guilt-free parenting.
Damage control: First, stop feeling guilty. However, try to make the most of the time you spend with your little one and talk about everything the food you eat to the colour of flowers -- even mundane conversations help build trust and togetherness. This is one way you can meet their emotional needs. Remember to hug and kiss your little one often. Even when you are chopping your vegetables, stop and give your child a surprise kiss. This makes her feel wanted and touches her emotionally.
4. You take their no very easily: When a tantrum strikes, it is very difficult to win an argument with your child. You take her no for an answer because you already feel helpless and defeated. You don t want to aggravate the tantrums, but you fail to understand that this is going to damage things in the long term. You give in to save the moment but, in turn, fail to teach her an important lesson in being disciplined.
Damage control: Do some affirmation exercises with yourself. Tell yourself repeatedly, I will not give in to her tantrums. This will help you to be strong on your own decisions. Even when others persuade you to listen to your child, you won t be wavering in your thoughts. Soon your child will learn that tantrums are not entertained easily and might change for better.
5. You compensate for your own mistakes: One reason you are unable to tame her tantrums is because you constantly gift her with goodies when you are out with her. Secretly, you do this to compensate for the less time you spend with her. This is where you teach her to receive more than what she needs, and this is what fans her tantrums.
Damage control: Remember, no amount of expensive toys and gifts can replace for your time, so this is a futile exercise. Instead, if you really want to gift your child something special, gift her your time. From your busy schedule steal some time and join a swimming or aerobics class together. This will not only make your bond stronger, but help you give her enough sense of security and solace that can avert feelings of loneliness, distress and aggravate tantrums.
Image source: Shutterstock
