Bhakti Paun Sharma
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Written By: Bhakti Paun Sharma | Updated : September 18, 2015 6:25 PM IST
Is your child scared of you? Or does he take you for a ride? Are they social enough or do they prefer not being around people? Your parenting style could be the reason for these traits in your child. Bringing up your kids the way your parents did with you is not always a good idea as we are in a different era altogether. Kids are exposed to a lot of things and are emotionally more vulnerable and have impressionable minds.
A parenting style cannot be good or bad as there is no 'right' style, Every child and situation needs to be understood and handled accordingly. 'Why would we need a village to raise kids otherwise,' says Dr. Ruksheda Syeda, noted psychologist and psychotherapist. It is best to assess the situation and the behaviour of your child before you choose how to behave. A mix and match of various parenting styles usually works the best. Do you know that the choice of cartoons can influence your parenting style? Here are some commonly followed parenting styles.
Authoritarian style
Is 'because I said so' your standard answer to any question that your child asks when you assign them tasks? Then you are definitely an authoritarian. This style resembles dictatorship. Parents make rules and decide how children must behave. These parents are demanding but not responsive to their child s needs or desires. There is no room for any dialogue between the parent and child, neither an explanation of any kind. Children are expected to follow the rules because the parents have asked them too. Punishing the child is very common in this case. While it is important to teach the child the importance of following rules, overdoing it is not good for the psychological development of the child.
Situation: Homework
An authoritarian parent will not only ensure that the child completes the homework, but does so on time and in the pattern fixed by them every day. The homework will be checked and the child punished for any mistakes made.
Read: Why I can t follow the parenting handbook my mom did
Authoritative style
Are your kids comfortable in asking you questions and enjoy you being around? Chances are you are the authoritative type of parent. While the words may sound the same, there is a lot of difference in the authoritarian and authoritative style of parenting. Authoritative parents do make rules and expect children to follow them, but they do provide valid explanations and reasoning for the rules imposed. Open communication is the biggest positive of this parenting style. The child can ask questions and discuss problems freely with the parent. This helps in fostering proper development of the child and a healthy relationship between parents and the child. This style is a combination of the positives of different parenting styles and very effective.
Situation: Homework
An authoritative parent will explain the importance of completing homework to the child and the consequences if it is not done. They will ask the children if they need any help and give them the liberty to complete it anytime before they go to bed.
Permissive parenting
This style has become common since the past few decades. Parents who practice this style believe in letting kids be kids. They do not set any rules nor force their children to behave in a certain way. Here, the parents are very responsive but do not demand anything. There is a lot of love and communication, but discipline and control rules change now and then, leaving the child confused. While it may sound like the best parenting principle, children unknowingly crave for structure and some rules in life. Children may not be afraid of making grave mistakes because they know that parents will not react or practice any form of punishment on them. This affects the child s development in many facets of life.
Situation: Homework
The permissive parent does not force the child to do homework and at times, even completes it for them. They are fine even if the handwriting is not up to the mark or mistakes are made in the work. They encourage children to enjoy themselves than being stressed with school work.
Uninvolved parenting
This falls in the category of extreme parenting just like the authoritarian style. In this style, parenting seems more like a forced job. The parents are neglectful and have no knowledge of what their children are doing. Such parents do not care about the needs and demands of a child. The child is left alone and communication or love and nurturing are almost absent in the relationship. Children are unable to trust their parents in this style. In a few instances, such behaviour is exhibited by parents suffering from mental health issues or some kind of addictions. Parental attention is zero and hence children are unable to flourish academically or socially in such cases.
Situation: Homework
Uninvolved parents are not bothered whether their child has any homework to complete. They do not care even if the child does not complete his/her project work and gets scolded at school.
Read: Birth control chemicals adversely affect parenting behaviour
Helicopter parenting
This term was coined by a child whose parents were overly involved with his life and he felt they hovered like a helicopter over him, and was mentioned in the book Between parent and teenager . Being involved in the child s life is a good thing, however, an overdose of anything is bad. In this style, parents advocate their children, solve their problems and create a shield for them. This makes the child completely dependent and incapable of solving life s problems or finding solutions out of difficult situations because the parents have been handling everything. The constant nagging and lack of space in the parent-child relationship tends to push the child away.
Situation: Homework
In this style, parents will keep pestering the children to complete their homework, and in fact, do it themselves while the kid sits with them. They do not allow the children to find a solution or complete the assigned work on their own.
The recent social networking trends and Whatsapp groups that most parents are a part of, have increased the involvement of parents in the child's activity, says Dr. Ruksheda. There is a constant comparison and children are exposed to peer pressure at a very early age. Comparing and grading children with their peers or someone in the family is very common in Indian culture. But is it having a positive impact on your child? As a parent, no matter what your style is, the aim is to ensure that the child learns something good and evolves as a balanced individual.
So what is your parenting style? Tell us in comments.
Image Source: Shutterstock
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