How I deal with separation anxiety as a working mother

Separation anxiety in mothers is a real thing, and I know every single mom will vouch for it.

By: Naz Haider | | Updated: May 3, 2017 10:12 am

As a mother, I have come to realise that guilt is my go-to emotion. I feel guilty for being too attached to my child, and also when I have to leave her to go to work. I feel guilty when I reprimand her, and guilty when she misbehaves too. While I try to make sense of what motherhood is and how I can work on myself, I also understand that parenting does not come with set rules, and no matter how much people tell me that I should do specific things to get specific results, I know that raising a child is not like a science experiment, where an action will yield a very particular result. Still, for every day that I have to step out of my house, leaving my toddler behind, I feel sad. The heartache is just as intense. Separation anxiety in mothers is a real thing, and I know every single mom will vouch for it. The love for your child is like nothing else, and staying away from your child for hours at end is difficult. So what do you do? Here are a few things that help me:

Understand that it is okay to feel anxious: If most of your days start with saying goodbye to your child, it is bound to be difficult. There are days when I am torn between going to office and staying back home to see my child’s face light up. And I know, it will be difficult every single time. And it is okay. It is okay to feel anxious. I don’t need to beat myself over feeling that way.
Find comfort in the fact that my child is in good hands: Interacting with different people and learning their ways is actually beneficial for the child. It takes a community to raise a child, and I am thankful that I have people who love my child and look after her. Even if their ways are different than mine. Children are adaptive, and as long as my child is flourishing and thriving, I have nothing to complain about.
Look beyond the guilt: After I am done feeling like crap for having to leave my child for hours, I take an account of why I need to do that. In my case, it’s my job and financial independence that I cannot afford to lose. In such a case, the set-up I have right now is my best case scenario. It helps to take stock and understand what’s the best I can do.
Sometimes, time away is also important: I often wonder if I would put so much of efforts in being a good mother if I was a stay-at-home mom. No offence to anyone, but I know myself. I would probably have been a lazy person, just whiling my time, looking after my child. The things I do now, especially the things I can afford for my child — I wouldn’t have been able to do all that. And that is important for me.

Do you have any tips that can help me sort this tug-o-war between my emotions? Please list them in the comments.

Image: Shutterstock

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Published: April 26, 2017 4:56 pm | Updated:May 3, 2017 10:12 am

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