When I decided to join work after having a baby, I started looking up for nannies. However, the idea of leaving my then 4-month-old with a total stranger for about 8-9 hours was a little unsettling. That's when my mother stepped in and offered to look after my baby. What we did was hire a full-time help for the housework while my mom was the caregiver for my baby. While it worked out great, there were a few bumps along the way. My mom came with her own parenting ideas and methods. There are times when we don't agree on certain things, like she will do whatever it takes to feed my daughter -- TV, telling stories, while I am more into mindful eating (which honestly doesn't work at times). What I have understood in the last two years is that my parenting mostly comes from mother's instinct, what experts say and studies and research papers, my mother relies on her experience and age. While it is a healthy mix for my daughter, it is stressful for my mom and me when we don't agree on things. I know many mothers who are in a similar situation, and I would like to share a few things that worked for me in maintaining a good relation with my mom.
Gratitude for my mom's efforts: Most of my initial issues for the way my mom handled my baby was stemming from my working mom's guilt. I wasn't the primary person in my child's life anymore and my mom was doing all the mothering'. Moreover, my mom wanted me to take it easy after I came back from a long day at work while I wanted her to take a break while I looked after the baby. As soon as I realised that my mom was actually doing a great job and a huge favour, things started smoothening out. I spoke to her about how I actually looked forward to being with my daughter even after an exhausting workday, and would like for her to get some rest (looking after a baby is EXHAUSTING), and she understood too.
Working out a schedule: Before leaving for work, I try to do a few things for the baby so that it is easier on my mom. I would cook the baby's meals, run a cycle of laundry, or if the baby was awake, give her a bath and feed her breakfast. In the evenings, mom and I would unwind with a cup of tea, while playing with my daughter together.
Making decisions together: While I sometimes do not agree with my mom on a few things, I discovered that even my mom doesn't understand the reasoning behind my parenting. So instead of being at loggerheads, we decided meet midway. She decides day-to-day things like what the baby will eat, activities for her, what time to take her for her doctor's appointments. while I make other decisions like which pediatrician to go to, arranging playdates and getting books.
Girls' day out: As I said earlier, looking after a baby is exhausting, so once every month we do a girls' day out. It can be anything, a shopping spree, eating out, weekend at a resort -- anything that is relaxing and gives us a break.
Grandparents are usually empty nesters for years, and taking care of their grandchildren can be a bit daunting for them. Kudos to all the grandparents who do it. I understand how exhausting it is. There isn't much wisdom out there on how to tackle this new-age parenting situation, but as always healthy communication and working together makes it easy.
If you are in a similar situation, let me know what works for you.
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