Written By: Longjam Dineshwori | Updated : June 11, 2022 5:12 AM IST
Boy shoots dead mother in Lucknow
Just a couple of days back, a minor boy reportedly shot dead his mother in Lucknow for stopping him from playing PUBG. According to the police, the boy was addicted to the popular mobile game and his mother used to stop him from playing it, due to which he committed the crime using his father's pistol. In the US, investigations into the Texas elementary school shooting are still on. The gunman who killed at least 19 students and two adults at the school was a teenager. Officials said that the 18-year-old boy, identified as Salvador Ramos, also shot and wounded his grandmother at the home before attacking the school.
What comes into your mind when you hear or read news about such horrifying incidents? So many questions are running in my mind: What would have caused these children to commit such heinous crimes? Are they suffering from any mental health problems? Are they victims of bad parenting? What are the causes of aggressive, anti-social, and hostile behaviour in children?
In my quest to find the answers to these disturbing questions, I connected with Dr. Jaya Sukul, Clinical Psychologist, Marengo QRG Hospital Faridabad and Dr. Rituparna Ghosh, Consultant Clinical Psychologist at Apollo Hospitals, Navi Mumbai. Below are experts from our conversation:
Dr. Jaya: Children are becoming violent because of various reasons such as unmet and unsaid expectations, lack of family and social support, invalidation of their stress, and excessive media exposure.
Dr. Rituparna: Exposure to violent content is one reason why children are becoming more violent. Games like PUBG instil the feelings of retaliation in children. Moreover, constant exposure to screen increases frustration and agitation. Parents often give in to the child's demands when s/he throws tantrums, cries and creates a scene specially in a public setting. So, the child knows that when they use these strategies, parents will yield into the pressure, thus use more of these tactics.
Dr. Jaya: We can't blame the parents alone, no parent teaches their child to be violent, it's a combination of aggressive and suppressive parenting, invalidation of child's need and not having a space to express their feelings.
Dr. Rituparna: Attaching labels such as good and bad to parenting is not the way we try to explain such acts of violence. It can be better explained by parenting styles. Parents who do not set rules for children and are extremely lenient, may not set clear boundaries to the use of screen time, online gaming, etc. On the contrary, there are parents who are extremely strict and children have absolutely no liberty to do anything apart from the set rules. In such extreme circumstances, children do not know the methods to moderate their thoughts, emotions, screen time, etc. and results in release of pent-up feelings in a negative manner. Thus, a balance of rigidness and leniency is important to train children.
Dr. Jaya: The only wrong we do is that as parents we go to extremes, either we don't provide safe spaces or expect in extreme way be it education or behaviour. Having some compassion and moderation is essential.
Dr. Rituparna: As parents, you can spend time with the child and engage the child in play. Teach the child to play with clay or origami sheets by making models yourself and depicting the method to do it. Feeding the child by switching on the television is another way to get them addicted to it. It might be very difficult otherwise but diverting the child's attention by showing objects, playing with them and feeding them is a much better way than switching the television on. With online mode gaining so much of momentum, children have stopped social interaction. Parents should prompt them to interact and play with other kids in order for them to reduce screen time and curb aggressive tendencies.
Dr. Jaya: Excessive technology increases exposure to information which results in behaviour changes. This also has a neurological consequence on our processing speed.
Dr. Rituparna: Children are getting addicted to screen time and do not budge to look at anything else after getting a phone in their hands. Obesity is on a rise, activity levels are decreasing rapidly, concentration, focus and attention span is reducing. Children's social and responsive skills have also gone for a toss. They prefer being glued to the screen than responding to people. Children's grasp reduces and some amount of retardation sets in when they are being constantly occupied with a gadget. Physically, there are nerve related issues associated with technology use.
Dr. Jaya: Hostility in non-verbal manner, social isolation and change in appetite, aggressive responses or being extra quiet. These are some worrying signs parents should watch out for in their children.
Dr. Rituparna: Aggression in children can start when they are as young as one or two years of age. Some warning signs include harming other kids/people, breaking objects, using foul language, not being ready to calm down after an aggressive episode, bullying or teasing others. Frequent complaints from the teachers and babysitters about behavioral concerns are the biggest signal to seek help for the child.
Dr. Jaya: Providing safe space, validating their emotions, being compassionate towards them is essential.
Dr. Rituparna: Engaging children in offline activities involving physical and mental capacities of the child would help. Children can be provided with origami sheets, mandala art book, art and craft material, story books to sharpen their IQ and increase focus and grip. Children have a sense of achievement when they have created something new and novel. Parental encouragement is very important as it instils a sense of self-esteem and self-confidence and "I can do it" feeling.
Young kids are also high on energy levels so channelizing that energy is important and can be done through some classes such as athletic training, karate, dance or any other sports that the child likes to play. Parents have to be firm on the decisions. Yielding to the child's cry reinforces the fact that they will get whatever they want through crying. So, parents need to set limits to the child's behavior and abide by it.
