Violence and terrorism: How you should talk to your child about these human tragedies

The impact of the deadly Pulwama attack is still raw and fresh in our mind. While as adults we are better equipped to handle such acts of violence, the tender mind of a kid is more likely to be affected in an irreversible way. Here are expert-backed tips on ways to help your child deal with a terror attack.

By: Editorial Team | | Published: February 20, 2019 5:55 pm

Whenever kids come across a terrorism-related news, they are in a state of shock and fear. Help them deal with these emotions. © Shutterstock

The Pulwama attack on 14th February that took the lives of more than 40 Central Reserve Police Force (CRPF) jawans is among the deadliest examples of violence on the security forces in the last few decades of militancy in Kashmir. It’s a human tragedy that shook the entire nation. The first impact that an act of terrorism has on human mind is a gripping fear of death. The uncertainty of life unsettles us and quite understandably, we hit the panic button. Watching these events on television or on the internet may trigger an immeasurable fear of future attacks. One may wake up with nightmares or even get panic attacks. People who were at the event or close to it are likely to feel even more traumatised. “Whenever a news of terrorism goes viral, the first thought that comes to human mind is that of shock, aggression, and anxiety. People immediately turn on the TV, try to dive deep and find out each and every detail about the act of terrorism,” explains Dr. Bhavna Barmi, senior clinical psychologist, Fortis Escorts Heart Institute and founder of Happiness Studio.

The traumatic response of the initial phase may manifest itself through what is known as Acute Stress Disorder. However, in most cases, the anxiety depletes within a month or two. With time the feeling of fear disappears, and people start feeling normal again. Though adults are better equipped to cope with a news of violence and terrorism, the impressionable minds of children are likely to be affected deeply. It may have an indelible impact on them that leaves them scarred for life.

“A child’s mind is always sensitive making it easily vulnerable to trauma. So, whenever kids come across a terrorism-related news, they feel shocked, stressed, and inquisitive to know more about it. They ask too many questions. The impact is naturally stronger if a child has lost a family member to war or such an attack. This may leave him traumatised for the rest of his life,” says Dr. Barmi. A child who has faced such a situation at a phase where he cannot comprehend or interpret it, then the impact on him will be worse if his questions remain unresolved. “His mind would be blocked on that issue and can later result into revengeful or anti-social behaviour stemming out of aggression, adds Dr. Barmi.

HELP YOUR CHILD DEAL WITH A TERROR ATTACK

Well, let’s accept it. You can no longer hide bad news from your child, especially that of violence or a terror attack, thanks to the media exposure that kids have today. But the shockingly gruesome images of violence that they get to see on television or social media can lead to feelings of deep-rooted fear, anxiety, troubled sleep, and concern for their own as well as parents’ safety. These are the most common among the wide-ranging variety of emotional troubles that a terror attack can inflict on your child. “So, as parents, it is important for you to talk to your child about these issues rather than avoiding them. This is because, you have the capacity and knowledge to understand and process such events in a better manner and get out of feelings of threatened safety, shock, and mourning. But, with limited experience and knowledge, children are more prone to misunderstanding and fear,” says Dr. Barmi. Here is how you need to help your child handle the shock and fear of violence.

Don’t underestimate your child’s fear
We, as adults, sometimes put up a brave face in the face of a terrifying even just cover our fear and carry on with our lives normally. But you should not ignore your children’s fear and questions in a bid to do so. Listen to them patiently. Create an atmosphere where they are comfortable in opening up to you about their trepidations without an iota of hesitation. You need to make your little ones feel that their fear is not illogical, or something to be embarrassed about. “As adults you need to understand the emotional trauma through which your children are going. Be there for them, hug them, and cry with them. You response should be in tandem with the way yours are responding, emotionally,” says Dr. Barmi.

Tell your kids that they are safe
Yes, this is what they need to be assured of. Safety. This is extremely crucial for very young kids in the age bracket of 4 to 6 years, since their concept of time and space is very limited. They start feeling insecure even if they are far away from the spot of terror. Also, they are likely to freak out if they spot traces of panic in you. “The immature brain of your kids cannot deal with hatred and violence. If not tackled well, childhood exposure to these incidences can lead to depression, unexplained fear, schizophrenia, and other personality related disorders at a later stage in their lives,” says Dr. Barmi. So your first and foremost responsibility after hearing out your little ones’ fear is assuring them that all of you are safe. Stay calm and share information that gives them an age-appropriate clarity about what is happening around them. This will make them feel secure.

Instil respect for soldiers
While narrating a terror event like the Pulwama attack, talk to your kids about soldiers. “Introduce them to your children as heroes. They should understand that they can enjoy their lives without worrying about anything because there are some heroes somewhere, who are putting their lives at risk to protect them,” says Dr. Barmi. This will help them respect our fearless fighters while instilling love for the country “Parents should depict a larger picture of love, care, unity, hope and protection while talking about an incident of terror. This will go a long way in helping your kids imbibe these qualities and grow up into good human beings in the future,” she adds. Moreover, the aspect of heroism and love for the country will distract your kids from the trauma and shock element of the entire incident.

With inputs from Juhi Kumari

Published : February 20, 2019 5:55 pm

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