Can Power Of Praise Help Children's Well Being And Growth? Expert Decodes

Recent research has highlighted that the way we share praise makes a difference to our children's wellbeing. Read on to know what experts say.

For a long time, researchers believed that building children's self-esteem is our most important job as parents. According to the research conducted by Dr. Amanda Niland, School of Education and Social Work at the University of Sydney,"Recent research has highlighted that the way we share praise makes a difference to our children's wellbeing." We thought that children needed reward and what is called 'extrinsic motivation', especially praise to build that self-esteem and to 'be good'. This has led to widespread excessive or over-inflated praise, in the hopes that this praise will result in some kind of action for even the simplest things, like tidying a few toys. We believed that earning praise was the only way we could get children to co-operate that they would do it to please us. Dr. Amanda goes on to explain in detail how constructive praise can have a good impact but also how it must not be over-inflated. Read on.

What Does Research Say?

According to the research conducted by Dr. Amanda, what is really driving children is a need to connect, to know they matter and that they are valued. Dr. Niland says that we can ensure that perfectly well without a lot of praise, and instead with acknowledgement, attention, and time together. Telling children specifically about what they are doing shows you are really watching or listening much more than generic praise does.

For example according to Dr. Amanda, saying things such as 'I can see how carefully you have built that Lego', or 'It's so helpful when you put your cup in the sink' is more impactful and instructive than 'good boy/ good girl', as this phrase doesn't actually tell the child about what they have done.

Can Over-Inflated Praises Turn Out To Be Counterproductive?

Dr. Amanda says that over-inflated praise can have a negative impact on a child's personality and character. Raising children who become dependent on praise can lead them to they think they're better than others or to have an unrealistically high understanding of their capabilities. These are narcissistic traits, which are not healthy in the long term.

Research on the different types of praise found that praise focused on a child's efforts, behaviours, or achievements also known as 'process praise', as in the earlier examples has quite a different effect than praise that's about the person and their appearance or personality. 'Person praise' can make children feel like they must be better than everyone else and must meet certain standards. Research in the last decade found that children who were given more 'process praise' tended to be more confident, resilient, and capable of success at school.

Yet still we often gravitate towards praising our children, even where perhaps praise is not due. Of course, there are strong opinions on either side, with a lot of emotion attached to how we celebrate and congratulate our children because we care about them.

Bottom Line

Dr. Amanda Niland concludes by saying that, the most important thing for parents, guardians, teachers, or relatives of children to remember is that humans are social beings, and children innately want connection with those closest to them. We can build those connections simply by giving them our attention our warm, interested and supportive presence. Doing things together with our children, or attending to what they are doing, is the most effective way to create secure and resilient young people. Whether it's building with Lego together, sharing stories or unpacking the groceries, giving children our time and attention is far more beneficial than generalised praise.