Juhi Kumari
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Helicopter parenting is not only harsh on a child but on parents as well. ©Shutterstock
There is a common saying, "The sign of great parenting is not the child's behaviour. The sign of truely great parenting is the parents' behaviour." Parents are the greatest influence on a child's development. They are their kid's first teacher and have a lasting impression on them. Whatever a child learns in the initial days remains with him for the rest of his life.
Your views, attitude and behaviour shape your child's goals and perspective towards life. The demeanour of your child speaks a lot about how he has been treated by you. This is why good parenting is extremely essential. But the question is how to differentiate between good and bad parenting?
Bad parenting includes many things from avoiding your child to showing irresponsible behaviour and not showing trust on him. Let's discuss these signs along with others in detail.
Neglect can negatively affect your child. Avoiding him physically or emotionally is considered to be a form of child abuse. Sounds harsh? Well, it is the truth. Ignoring your bundle of joy can make him feel worthless. This is one of the reasons why people develop problems of low self-esteem. Improper supervision or lack of supervision can put your child in danger. A feeling of being avoided germinates life-long psychological scars that can potentially have unwanted effects on your kid's mental health and social development.
If you are neglecting your child and he longs for your attention, you are directly or indirectly affecting his cognition, motor development, emotions, language development and behaviour. Not giving enough attention to your kid can cause social withdrawal, poor impulse control, low intellect and poor academic performance. In fact, such kids can face relationship problems later in life.
What you should do: Make your kids your priority. Anything related to them should be important for you. Love, care, appreciation and attention are extremely essential for the overall well-being of a child.
Physical and verbal abuse can lead to lifelong physical, behavioural, psychological and economic problems in children, says Centers of Disease Control and Prevention. Many people have a habit of venting out all the frustration on their children. If you are one of them, you need to be a bit more responsible. Your spanking or verbal scolding can cause long term damage to your child's mind. This kind of behaviour can impact your child's confidence and lead to an inferiority complex. It has been found that children who experienced physical or/and verbal abuse in their early life developed depression and anxiety gradually. Abuse has the potential to cause some other grave problems like self-harm, crime, casual sex, dependency on drugs, etc.
What you should do: If you don't want your child to develop eating disorders, attention deficit disorders, sleep issues and other problems, try to control your words and actions. Do not spank your child or insult him as a punishment for any wrongdoing. If you really want to team him a lesson, try options like a ban on watching television, attending any family function, playing video games, etc.
Are you an excessively controlling parent? If yes, you need to give yourself and your kids a break. We know that, as parents, you know what is best for your bundle of joy. But that doesn't mean that you will start imposing things on them that do not interest your children at all. Do not project your own unfulfilled ambitions onto your kid. In fact, encourage him to peruse what he wants to do or what he is good at. Always demanding or expecting obedience from your child can make him feel suffocated. Also, if you think that threatening him or punishing him every now and then can enforce good behaviour in him, you are probably mistaken. These tactics can only demotivate and disappoint him.
What you should do: Provide enough space to your kid. Let him do what interests him rather than what interests you. Let him explore every aspect of life and just guide him whenever needed.
We mentioned earlier that giving attention to and your involvement into your kid's life is important. But that doesn't mean that you start pampering your child too much. Doing that can spoil him and make him too demanding. Being an overprotective parent can make your child incapable of doing things himself. He will start expecting you to be everywhere even for the smallest of activities. By interfering too much in your kid's life, you will only make him incompetent and incapable in taking decisions.
What you should do: Let your child take certain decisions. Be there to guide him but do not interfere or demotivate him. Give him the opportunity to learn from his own mistakes.
Forming an opinion about everything and not letting your child even present an explanation can demotivate him. Are you one of those parents who believe every other person except their own children? If yes, it is time to change yourself. Not showing enough faith in your child can only affect him negatively.
What you should do: Give your child enough freedom so that he can come to you anytime and discuss anything without hesitation and without getting a feeling of being judged. The entire world is there to judge him, you should at least not do that. Try to establish a trust between yourself and your kid. This will make him more honest.