‘My disability made me a better mother’ says Deepa Malik

Today is United Nations International Day of Persons with Disabilities. Read the inspiring story of Deepa Malik, silver medalist at Paralympics 2016.

By: Kriti Saraswat | | Updated: December 3, 2016 9:51 am

Deepa Malik, 44, a Paralympics silver medallist, an Arjuna Awardee, a swimmer, gold medallist, an inspiring sports personality of India, a mother of two, and paralysed below the chest. She is truly an inspiration not just for others like her, but even us so-called normal people. But her true confidence stems from the fact that she’s a mother of two lovely daughters. It was motherhood that gave her the will power to convert her disability into her strength and never let it be an excuse for not being there for her kids. Deepa shares her inspiring story in this tête-à-tête.

Since when are you physically disabled?

The problem started during my second pregnancy. I had a severe backache problem which the doctors assumed was due to the weight I had put on when I was pregnant. But even after losing weight post pregnancy, the pain lingered on and then came a time when even bending down to lift my baby or tie the elder one’s shoe laces was cumbersome. Eventually, the doctors discovered a tumour in my spinal column. I was told prior to the surgery itself that I would have some loss of movement as my spinal cord was pretty much damaged by that stage. And as predicted, after the treatment, I was paralysed from the chest below.

How was the situation after this incident?

It was emotionally very distressing as being a mother I wanted to be there for all the little things my kids wanted help in. I was more worried about how they were coping with the situation as their father was posted at Kargil and I too wasn’t there for them. It was their grandparents who took care of them in this hour of need.

But it was my children who gave me the will to survive, the energy to bounce back. The mental strength to fight all odds was largely due to the fact that I am a mother of two and I need to do this for them. Even after my surgery, I wanted to know how they are doing, have they had their meals, gone to school, etc. Motherhood gave me the strength to fight my disability.

How did your daughters cope up with this sudden change in your life?

My daughters were 8 and 3 years old respectively when I became disabled. I’d say they understood it and matured at a young age than the other kids due to this change. Since they’ve seen hardships like this at such a young age, they’ve toughened up. They’ve seen me graduate from being a disabled person on the wheelchair to becoming a sportsperson and this has brought a positivity in them and in me as well. I’d like to think that my disability made me a better mother.

How did you manage their day-to-day activities?

It’s been challenging no doubt but I became highly organised due to my disability. I ensured that everything they needed was planned in advance as I could not leave anything to the last minute. I had domestic help to support me. I would make a conscious effort to ensure they ate their meals on time, their lunchboxes are packed with a nutritious diet, etc as I knew, I wouldn’t be able to arrange for all these at the last minute.

There was a lot of social stigma around my disability which made me very conscious that nothing goes wrong in the upbringing of my children. Once my daughter took a packet of biscuits to school and people passed nasty comments that she does not get good food at home as her mother is handicapped. This was something which hurt me deeply and prompted me to open a garden restaurant. This actually triggered my journey to success.

Were there any incidents with your children where you felt your disability was a hindrance?

It is natural for any mother to be worried about their kids. What if they are playing with something sharp, what if they trip and fall and so on. But unlike others, I was bedridden or on a wheelchair which meant I needed some support from others at times. There was an incident where my daughter was on a stool trying to take something out of a glass shelf and it fell on the floor. She panicked and didn’t know what to do and I could not get up or run and get her away from the shards. This still gives me goose bumps. There have been such incidents along the way. But my disability has also helped us bond better. We’d have these little family rituals such as oiling each other’s hair or cooking together where we spend time together and help each other in a fun way.

I learnt driving to be there for my kids in any emergency or be able to attend their school functions or things as little as going shopping with them and help them choose clothes, books, etc. These really matter to kids and I wanted to be there for each of them. Even now, we go cycling or on adventure activities such as rafting, biking, etc together as I would never say no to my kids just because I am disabled.

How did you take up sports?

Swimming happened all thanks to my children. My younger daughter was afraid of entering the swimming pool and in order to shoo away her fear, I entered the pool with her. And I ended up becoming a world record holder swimmer with a disability! Apart from these, I’ve also won medals for javelin throw, shot-put, discuss throw, at various international competitions such as Commonwealth Games, Para-Asian Games, and many others. But a very special moment and a first in the Indian sports history was when both me and my elder daughter participated in an international event together and qualified for the next round of Asian and Commonwealth games respectively.

Is there any message or tip you would like to give to other physically challenged mothers?

However strong you become mentally, you will need support from others to help you with day-to-day things if you are disabled. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Plan ahead and be prepared for anything that could go wrong. Make use of technology to make everyday things simpler. Have a list of back-up and emergency numbers handy. Take charge of your life and be happy and positive. Don’t crib as it will have a negative effect on your child. Don’t let your disability be an excuse to not be with your baby. Be an integral part of their life. Kids are god’s greatest blessing so cherish every moment with them.

Photo courtesy: deepamalik.com

Published: May 11, 2014 7:16 am | Updated:December 3, 2016 9:51 am

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