Love and ADHD: Where attention deficit might play a spoilsport

People in ADHD don't necessarily cheat on partners but can still make them feel unwanted and ignored.

Debjani Arora | Updated: August 8, 2018 2:37 pm

The journey of love is not an easy road to tread – there are a lot of ups and downs, challenges, tears, grumpy moods to conquer and then reach a point of happy space which makes it all worth it. But when you are in a relationship with someone who is struggling on his own to deal with a mental condition like ADHD love would need more patience than you can promise. Here love requires every bit of your maturity; understanding and tolerance with a robust never give up attitude to tide over things. “It is possible for people who suffer from ADHD to have monogamous, cordial relationships with their partners barring the ups and downs that people face in every relationship. Remember, ADHD affects kids greatly due to the hyperactivity they express along with lack of concentration and attention. But as an individual grows the hyperactivity trait might subside but he/she will still have to deal with attention-deficit this may or may not affect relationships depending on how both the partners deal with the problem,” says Dr Sanghanayak Meshram, psychiatrist and sexologist, Mumbai.

However, if ADHD goes unnoticed in childhood and a person is still reeling under this disorder without help here is how their relationship can be affected:

Isolation in relationships: Since ADHD adults suffer from attention deficit, it is very common in their relationship that they tend to ignore their partner’s needs and pleas for attention. This has nothing to do with love or is not due to infidelity. In fact, ADHD partners don’t even realise that they are isolating and alienating their love interest. This can lead to a rift in relationships and unpleasant fights. Another problem with people with ADHD is that they may shower too much attention at one point and go blank the next minute. This makes it painful for the other partner to deal with the situation as he/she might often feel neglected or unwanted.

Anger and frustrations: People with ADHD have anger outburst which can be detrimental to a healthy relationship. Often their partners feel like they are walking on eggshells as they cannot predict the responses from the other one. This leads to stress and discord among partners which if not rectified along with a therapist could spell doom for them.

Inability to prioritise: Since adults with ADHD often have problems with prioritising things and are disorganised they often tend to miss out on the important days in a relationship – birthdays, anniversaries – needless to say in a relationship this is where you miss out on scoring the brownie points.

Delegating chores: People with ADHD tend to procrastinate and delay work even household chores that they happily agreed to do. This makes the other partner take on more responsibilities which does nothing good for the relationship. In fact, these things make the other partner feel taken for granted and neglected. Of course, no one likes to stay with a partner who fails to realise that a love is a bond build by two people contributing equally towards the same goal – keeping the other person happy.

Image source: Shutterstock

Published: August 8, 2018 2:36 pm | Updated:August 8, 2018 2:37 pm

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