Written By: Debjani Arora | Updated : August 9, 2018 1:38 PM IST
More than infidelity it is anger than ruin marriages. When you say something to your partner that is hurtful, degrading and humiliating, because you are angry, remember no amount of apologising later can undo the damage, especially if this happens too often. This is why controlling your anger in a relationship is crucial. Sometimes people who suffer from sudden anger outbursts know that it can be damaging for them but they are so helpless that they cannot do anything about it. They say or do things they know they will regret later. These people need help as anger becomes an involuntary action for them. This kind of outbursts is different from the kinds where people deliberately use hurtful words to lower a partner's self-esteem and confidence. Some people with anger issues can also have traits of narcissism which makes it even difficult for them to maintain a cordial relationship.
So, if you are someone who can identify with this always-angry-but-unable-to-control character know that you need to take some steps to control this emotion to save your marriage. Here are a few ways in which you can take charge of your anger.
Learn about your triggers: First, stop playing the blame game. If you are the one who is always angry and venting it out on your partner, know that you cannot be right all the time. It is not your partner who is making your angry. If any of your partner's behaviour is triggering you to vent out it could also be a subconscious shout for help. Talk to your partner about your anger issue, especially if you feel bad after the fallout and guilty to be the one who was mean and hurtful. Your triggers could be entirely different your past failures, difficult childhood, being a victim of child sexual abuse, etc. So get to the core. Talk to your partner and a therapist, if needed to get over this problem to save your marriage.
Consciously watch your emotions: When you are about to burst out, hang on for a while. This is easier said than done but try. When you want to vent your frustration over your partner take a deep breath and ask yourself once, "Is this right?" "Am I right or I am just trying to avoid my inner fears?" Or count from 1 to 50 to calm your nerves before you talk to your partner about any situation or action that is bothering you.
Detach yourself: Sometimes your anger could be due to a trivial reason but your subconscious mind makes you behave in a certain way. When this happens try to detach yourself from the situation, think over it and then act. Of course, this might not work initially but if you consciously try to detach and think before acting impulsively this can help to control your anger.
Maintain a journal: Every time you are on the verge of acting impulsively start writing your thoughts in a paper, not on the notepad of your smartphone, as writing is therapeutic. Writing helps to calm the inner rage that triggers an outburst and make you calmer. Once the negative emotions are out of your mind and there on papers, it will help you nest to take a rational step to deal with your emotions.
Talk to a therapist: Yes, at times you might need professional help to deal with your anger issues. Sometimes even a couple of therapies work best to deal with this problem, especially if both the partners are dealing with anger issues.
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