Written By: Naz Haider | Updated : July 29, 2016 11:54 AM IST
Actress Daljeet Kaur, ex-wife of actor Shaleen Bhanot recently spoke about her turbulent marriage and the violence and abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband and in-laws. After suffering through six years of marriage, she is now gearing up to start working again. She has lost 25 kgs and works out regularly to stay fit. She says that her only focus now is her son, and she is working towards establishing a good life for her son and herself. It is amazing when someone bounces out of a trauma and chooses to move on and focus on building a life again. Domestic violence is more common in our society than we realise. The National Family Health Survey - 3 reported that over 40% women in India have faced domestic abuse at some point in their married lives. Many women think that wife beating is acceptable and abuse is warranted in situations.
Dr Sanjoy Mukherjee, psychologist and marriage counsellor, Be Positive says, 'Most women are programmed to consider themselves secondary compared to men. They have been conditioned to believe that it is okay to get beaten and spoken rudely to, the concept of love and respect in a marriage is lost on them. And men are conditioned the same way where they women as an object that they can use as per their mood.' This trend, however, is changing, with women becoming more opinionated, vocal and realising and demanding for their rights, but yet there are cases of domestic abuse. "Domestic abuse is not just about women being tortured, of late I have come across many cases where the man is in an abusive or violent relationship. When we speak about domestic violence, we need to consider both the people in the relationship, says Dr Mukherjee. (Read: Indian housewives commit suicide by self immolation due to domestic violence: Flavia Agnes)
What to do if you are suffering domestic violence
Communicate: It takes to clap. If your partner is abusive and is having an anger episode, walk out of the scene and return after he has calmed down. Speak to him about what is troubling him and how you both can work towards correcting the matter rather than fighting over it. (Read: Living in an abusive relationship when is it time to quit?)
Set boundaries: If you want to be respected, convey so to your partner. Tell him whats acceptable and whats not. Temper flares are natural, how you act when you are angry is what is important. If you know your partner is capable of hurting you, set boundaries beforehand and stick to them. Do not get to point where he keeps abusing you and apologising to get you back.
Accept each other: Deciding to spend your life with someone is huge step. The key to a successful relationship is love and respect. Make sure you accept your partner completely and show him respect. When he gets abusive, tell him in clear words that abuse is not acceptable. Let him settle down and have a talk with him.
Things to understand when walking out of an abusive relationship
If you have tried everything in your might to save your relationship, it is wise to walk out if the situation continues to be the same. Walking out of an abusive relationship requires a lot of courage, especially with a society like ours where girls are taught that getting a divorce is social suicide. With changing mindsets, people are warming up towards survivors of a failed relationship, yet it is a daunting task for the person who decides to end it. Here's what to do when walking out of an abusive relationship:
Work on your self-esteem: We tell people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. if you want people to love and respect you, start doing that yourself. Believe in yourself and your capabilities. Remember that one failed relationship is not what you are. It will take time, but heal yourself by being kind to yourself. (Read: This drug can help reduce domestic violence)
Spare the self-loathing: There will be times when you will think that you did not stay in the relationship for long enough, you did not try enough. Well, you are out of it now, so all these negative thoughts will serve no purpose other than making you feel sad. Forget the past and focus on how to better your future.
Love yourself before you love someone else: Introspect on what you want in life. Focus on becoming a better person. Do not allow a man in your life just to fill a vacant spot. Understand what is it that you need from a relationship and find a person who can fulfil that.
Image source: Twitter.com/daljeetbhanot
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