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Psychotherapy can be a helpful and fulfilling experience. Some people love therapy and feeling comforted knowing they have a space where they can fall apart, some find it uncomfortable, unhelpful, or have never tried it, and there are many experiences in between. Nevertheless, for those who have a good fit with their therapist and are willing to address issues, therapy can be a deeply enriching experience that is supportive and nurturing towards improved functioning in relationships, friendships, jobs, and overall sense of self.
Unfortunately, there are some negative myths and stereotypes when it comes to therapy, and the people who lose out are often the ones who could benefit the most. Here are some common obstacles that hold people back from reaching out for therapy:
Myth 1: If you go for therapy, that means you're 'messed up'
To struggle is to be human. Therapy is a safe space to address issues such as anxiety, depression, addiction, relationship problems, identity issues, family conflicts, bereavement, career issues, trauma, and general life dissatisfaction. Choosing to explore these issues with a therapist does not connote failure; rather, it is indicative of a recognition that having someone guide you through your journey can be helpful. If you hire a personal trainer, does that mean you 'failed' at exercising on your own?
Myth 2: If you go to couples therapy, it means your relationship is hopeless and beyond repair
Guess what, happy couples go to therapy too! Relationships are difficult no matter how much you love each other, and being two distinct individuals means that you will inevitably have disagreements and bumps along the road. Every couple has their own sense of 'we got this', but sometimes things become too much to handle alone. In those cases, having a neutral, empathetic professional can be instrumental not only in helping the couple work through their issues together, but also in learning techniques to strengthen the relationship moving forward.
Myth 3: Therapists just smile, nod, and ask how that makes you feel
A good therapist is a highly trained professional who has spent years learning and practising how to tailor therapy to meet each client's particular needs. While a therapist should not be bossing you around or confronting you in a violating manner (think Good Will Hunting scene), a competent therapist may offer evidence-based suggestions that can be helpful in aiding the presenting issues. Some therapists are more vocal or directive during sessions than others; each therapist has their own style and finding someone whose style works well with your personality is essential in establishing a productive therapeutic alliance. A good therapist will ask you how you are feeling in the therapy room and should be receptive to your feedback.
Myth 4: Therapy is for people who have no friends or family to talk to
Having a support system of close friends and/or family is indeed a wonderful resource. But it's not crazy to desire a space to explore vulnerabilities and insecurities without worrying about how it fits in line with the person everyone expects or hopes you to be. It can be daunting to share parts of yourself with the people close to you because you don't want to disappoint them, you worry how they will take in the information, or you're concerned about it remaining private. Fortunately, boundaries are a key component of the therapeutic relationship; therapists are bound by HIPAA confidentiality laws that protect your privacy. That means that not only is it unethical for them to repeat to someone that you are in therapy, but they shouldn't be writing on your Facebook wall, texting you casually, etc.
Myth 5: Therapy is a life-long project; you can never leave
Working with a therapist entails a relationship that is focused on helping you achieve your own, chosen goals, not theirs, and you feeling a sense of voice and ownership over the process. If you ever meet a therapist who tells you from day one that you need to be under their care forever, you probably shouldn't stick with them. Therapy can be short-term, long-term or anything in between; many people go in and out of therapy over the years, depending on what's going on in their lives and when they could use the extra support. Your therapist should be routinely checking in with you and asking how you feel things are going in therapy and if you feel it has been helpful.
Tips to help you select a good therapist
Remember, that since therapy involves building a relationship, follow the same rules you would if you were to meet someone on a first date. You may have heard wonderful things, but take your time to see if they have something to offer you, how they make you feel about yourself, and if you feel that the relationship can be a positive force in your life.
See how you are able to communicate with them and if you feel like you are supported and accepted. See how you feel between your therapy sessions; do you look forward to it, do you dread it, do you feel it is having a good effect on your life, etc. And if it doesn't seem like a good fit, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Keep trudging along until you find someone worth your time!
Rachel Hercman, LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) is a psychotherapist specializing in sexuality, dating, and relationships. She works at the Medical Center for Female Sexuality in New York (www.centerforfemalesexuality.com), a center that provides cutting-edge medical and psychological treatment for female sexual dysfunction, where she helps women improve their sexual functioning, body image and relationship satisfaction. Rachel attended City University of New York Queens College and graduated with honors from Wurzweiler School of Social Work in Manhattan. After graduating she worked as a psychotherapist in clinical practice in Brooklyn, NY conducting individual, family and group therapy and was a consultant on women's issues for area schools. She has lectured nationally and is a consultant for local clergy and educators on addressing sexual and relationship issues with youth and adults. In addition to her training as a psychotherapist, Rachel is an ACE (American Council on Exercise) certified Fitness Trainer and Lifestyle and Weight Management Coach, and uses a holistic perspective in helping women overcome obstacles in their sexual functioning. She can be reached at Rachel@centerforfemalesexuality.com
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