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Never had I imagined that the world would become so strange and scary like it is today, none of you might have. The COVID-19 pandemic seems like an apocalyptic sci-fi movie coming into reality. People are being compelled to lock themselves inside their house, and stay away from friends, neighbours, and even the near and dear ones. The deadly virus, which has infected over 10 million people worldwide and killed hundreds of thousands of people, has brought life to a near standstill with many normal activities becoming a thing of the past. Not just people are battling the fear of coronavirus, but are also being gripped by the worry of an uncertain future.
Like many, the pandemic has left me with mixed feelings of fear, frustration, anxiety and helplessness. I have always cherished to be self-dependent and enjoyed the freedom of living alone. But post the pandemic, when I couldn't meet my friends or had to keep myself locked inside the room, I suddenly started feeling very lonely and unsafe, and the city (Delhi) that I used to call a second home became an alien land. No one cares about anyone but themselves. The fear of being alone, which is medically termed as autophobia or monophobia, coupled with the stress of work from home resulted in sleepless nights, nightmares and anxiety attacks. I started relying on medications to deal with the condition. As if these were not enough, l was hit by another harsh reality of life losing your dearest ones. Amidst the strict lockdown, I lost my father and never in my life had I felt so helpless. As flight and train services were totally shut, I couldn't even attend his last rites.
When the flight and train services started operation partially with unlock 1.0, the Manipur government made it compulsory for everyone returning to the state to stay in a quarantine centre for 14 days. The reluctance of going through this mandatory procedure, and the fear of putting my family members' lives at risk as Delhi is one of the worst-hit states, prevented me from going home for many days. As the COVID-19 cases kept rising at an alarming rate in the national capital, the monophobia in me grew more and more intense. When I couldn't hold myself any longer, I finally decided to go home. Thanks to my editor, who understood my mental state and allowed me to work from my hometown.
If you're flying at this time, be well prepared to face the new normal. I got a few masks, gloves, and a water bottle. Just wearing a mask is very suffocating for me, so I skipped wearing PPE gear at the airport. My flight was at 12:10, but I reached 2 and a half hours before the boarding time. I ate a heavy breakfast before leaving for the airport so that I won't feel hungry during the flight and kept my luggage light as I was told that there won't be any trolley at the airport. The changes fliers would experience at the airport now:
Wearing all those protective layers became so cumbersome that I violated the recommendations many a time. I removed the gloves because my hands were sweating like hell, I pulled down the mask every now and then as I was feeling suffocated, and the face shield over my spectacles ... I realised at that moment how difficult it must be for doctors and health workers who have to wear them for hours every day.
As I landed at Imphal airport, it took me a while to absorb the unusual scene. There were medical staffers, not the airport employees, greeting you at the airport. The new normal is that you have to first go through a medical screening, where the medical staff will ask you about any suspected COVID-19 like symptoms. They also recorded details like from where I'm coming, where I would be going, if I would be staying in a hotel or quarantine centre, etc. They also took a picture of me without the mask. I don't know if this is done in any other state. Then when you exit the gate, the Manipur police personnel would be waiting for you and not your family members. The cops guided me to a bus. From the airport, all the returnees/air passengers were taken to a school for registration. There again, the COVID-19 volunteers recorded the details of every passenger. Thankfully, they also provided lunch there, and that kind of lifted my mood and energy. After the lunch, the returnees were then taken to their respective district registration centre. I was sent to the Imphal east district registration centre, as my locality falls under its territory. There my quarantine centre was decided and I was finally brought to a college hostel, located just 1km from my house. I was home, but not at home yet this feeling and the too-long registration process left me exhausted both physically and emotionally.
It was around 7 pm when I reached the quarantine centre, which was a newly contracted three-storey building inside a college campus. The building was supposed to be the college hostel but was turned into a quarantine centre following the COVID outbreak. Unlike what I had expected, I was just given an empty room and nothing else. The rule is that the inmates have to do the cleaning themselves and the beddings and all other necessary items have to be brought from their home. And no volunteers would come inside the building. After such a long day when you just want to hit the bed and relax, what you have is an empty room that wasn't even cleaned properly. The poor arrangement pissed me off and I felt like crying at my situation. Soon my brother came with all the necessary stuff such as mattress, bed sheets, pillow and even bucket so that I could at least spend the night there as it was not possible to book a hotel at that time. The worst part was that I was the only female inmate and there was only one guy on the top floor that day. Each floor had around 26 rooms and the washrooms were at the extreme corner. Initially, I was too scared that I couldn't even think of spending a night there. But once I arranged the room and settle down, I realised it wasn't as bad as I thought and since I have the entire room for myself, it can easily do my work without any disturbances. At 10:30 pm, the volunteers made an announcement that the dinner is ready and I can come and collect it from the table place just outside the building. This table was the boundary between the inmates and the volunteers. The family members of the inmates were also not allowed to cross the boundary. They were strictly instructed to keep the things they brought for the inmates on the table and step back. The inmates are given two-time meals and breakfast in disposable containers. A corner of the campus is marked as a dumping area to throw the waste, which was burned every alternate day.
Every day the number of inmates kept increasing and while there were enough rooms, the floor had only four bathrooms and toilets. And this became a concern for everyone as you can't tell who would be carrying the virus. There had been a case in which more than half of the inmates of a quarantine centre in Manipur were tested positive for COVID-19. So the fears were not baseless. For the volunteers stationed outside the building, all the inmates are the same and are all suspected COVID-19 patients. Sometimes, their strange behaviour made me feel like an outsider in my own homeland. But then I realised they are also scared too and the virus spares no one. It was necessary for them to maintain distance from us.
On Day 4 at around 8 am, we were asked to get ready for COVID test. There were altogether 25 inmates and we all were taken to a school in a bus for the COVID testing. Contrary to what many people said about COVID testing, it wasn't painful at all. You may feel a little bit of discomfort as the doctor inserts a long stick that looks like a cotton earbud into the nasal canal to collect the mucus samples. After the test, we were all brought back to the quarantine centre. Now, the fear among the inmates was what if anyone of us turns out to be positive. Everyone was literally praying for the test to come out negative. On the evening of Day 5, the test result came and to everyone's great relief, all 25 inmates tested negative. Now, the volunteers declared that we are safe and that we can go home. Then there's was a kind of celebration at the centre. Now, suddenly all the fear disappeared and we all started sharing our joy, even forgetting the social distancing norm. We packed our stuff and like students waiting for parents to go home during summer and winter breaks, we eagerly waited for our family members to take us home.
I'm home now, but I can't mingle with my family members yet. I have to stay in home quarantine for another 14 days. The Manipur government has created an app called quarMon to monitor the location of people who are in home quarantine after they being discharged from the quarantine centres. This app, which everyone leaving the quarantine centre was made to install on their smartphones, requires the users to take a selfie photo (without face mask) every two hours (from 8 am to 6 pm) till the home quarantine period is over. This is being done to make sure that no one leaves the house before completing the mandatory quarantine period. That's a good effort by the government, but is it really effective? I don't know. But I'm still continuing my home quarantine in a separate room with my food served in disposable plates. I'm at home now, but there's still a huge invisible boundary of fear between me and my family members. The COVID-19 pandemic has made me a guest in my own home, and an outsider in my own homeland.
I can feel the emotional pain those who are infected by the virus must be going through. Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps. For the families, who lost their loved ones to the disease, the pandemic is the worst nightmare and this traumatic experience is likely to haunt them forever. And hats off to the frontline warriors who are risking their and their family members' lives to save others. Stay safe all and let's hope this nightmare gets over soon.