Kashish Sharma
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Written By: Kashish Sharma | Published : October 24, 2022 3:58 PM IST
Choose for yourself how you wish to spend the festival. Amid societal pressure, we can feel the compulsive need to keep low-key. But if some celebration or get-together can make you feel a little better or distracted, then why not to go for it?
While a festival is usually a time of bliss for most, marking togetherness and unity. The time can be very challenging and emotionally tiring for people who have lost their loved ones. For most of us, festivals are a rich pot of good memories, the beautiful moments we spent with our near and dear ones. While we might forget the mundane days of the year, memories of festivals are often etched tight in our minds because they mark their presence occasionally and they usually stand out from other routine days. Festivals remind us of close ones, the pain becomes more real when the memories of our passed-on loved ones haunt us on these days.
It has been observed that if the loss is recent and fresh, family members might even dread the approaching of these special occasions. As per some psychologists, much of the grief during festivals stems from the customs and rituals that the family had been performing together for years.
Vinita Saraswat, a retired teacher from Dehradun lost her husband during the second wave. She shared with Healthsite.com how her paralyzed husband was always a guide during the evening prayers. "I used to do all the rituals mechanically just as he used to tell me to do step by step. I was always relaxed because I had him on my side for all puja-related guidance," said Saraswat.
Saraswat went on to share an emotional memory around a unique ritual that the couple used to follow each year on Diwali. "We used to offer a bucket of water to our Gods and then on the day of Diwali, we used to divide the water content into two, each using one half for bathing. This is the first time I took bath from a full bucket. It was heartbreaking."
Manan Singhal, a man in his mid-twenties hails from Agra and works in a Bangalore-based company. He lost his father to COVID last year. While the previous Diwali was eased by relatives who had paid a visit to the mourning family. However, the young man, his younger brother, his mother and his grandfather are to celebrate the festival all by themselves this time. Singhal shared how he didn't feel like getting up and was in bed till late afternoon. "Diwali was a big event for my family when my father was around. Everything has lost meaning now," said Singhal.
Singhal shared a mushy memory of a unique ritual that the family followed. He said: "After Diwali puja, my family followed a ritual of applying kajal under the eyes from the puja plate. We (me and my brother) being young boys were not comfortable with ritual (Singhal makes an emotional laugh) and I remember my dad pulling my hair and making me wear it. Every year I used to plan ways to avoid it, but strangely this year I miss it. I wish my dad was there to scold me on all those small things."
Anurag Sharma, a middle-aged man from Agra, lost his elder brother to pancreatic cancer last year. Sharing some memories around the festival, he said: "My brother used to drive a silver Esteem. He used to visit my place each year on Diwali. Two days back as I was driving back home, I saw a similar silver Esteem entering the colony. For a minute, I forgot he wasn't there anymore."
While festivals are a time of great joy, they are also dreadful events for those who miss their loved ones. As experts say that grief is subjective and must be unique to all. However, these are a few things that can make you feel a little better.
