Toxic Positivity: Why is it ‘OK not to be Ok’?

Too much of positivity can be harmful. The "good vibes only" isn't the best way of living life. While the phrase is well intended, it gives rise to toxic positivity. Read on to know why toxic positivity can be harmful to you and how to deal with it.

Written By: Arushi Bidhuri | Updated : November 3, 2020 9:58 AM IST

"Be positive," "try to look at the brighter side of things," "it could have been worse," "think positive" how many times have you heard distinct voices telling you to be happy when you are suffering from severe emotional pain? How many times have you tried to look happy when all you want is curl in your blanket and cry? Trying to have a positive outlook on things isn't a bad thing. But when you try to conceal your anxiety, stress and depression behind the veil of positivity that is insincere and forced, it is not healthy. In fact, there is a term for it called 'toxic positivity.'

What is toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity can be defined as an assumption made by an individual that they should stay positive regardless of how difficult the situation is. It is the idea that encouraging people to only look at the brighter side of things can do more harm than good. Studies have shown that experiencing and accepting the good, bad and 'meh' situations and dealing with them is good for your mental health.

With toxic positivity, you may think that negative emotions are inherently bad. As much as you want to push yourself to feel positive and happy all the time, it isn't possible. In fact, it is harmful.

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The vicissitudes of fortune may force life to become too difficult sometimes, but it is all part of life. One of the biggest realities of human life is that it can be difficult and painful. Agony, heartbreak, and worry are all real parts of human life. So, it is important to experience all of them and deal with them properly.

Here is how you can deal with toxic positivity?

Don't suppress your emotions, accept them. Ignoring your emotions will make you frustrated, which will make it difficult to deal with.
Let your closed ones be emotionally vulnerable in front of you. Don't give them unsolicited advice or encourage toxic positivity. Also, acknowledge that not everyone behaves the same so your friend might not be able to cope with things the same you do.
Remember it is 'OK not to be OK' sometimes, especially at times like these. We all take time to process things, and it is completely normal to do that.
Don't limit yourself to happiness or sadness or any one emotion. The good, the bad and everything in between experiencing it all is important.
Allow your emotions to sink in and process at your own pace. Be realistic and take small steps to make yourself feel better.
Notice the signs of toxic positivity. Stay true to your genuine emotions.
Don't let social media memes fool you. Don't let other people's reality define yours. You need to critically analyze things to protect yourself from such situations.