Written by Anu Mehta |Published : December 7, 2016 12:25 PM IST
This is a case of a 58-year-old man, suffering from stomach, umbilical and rectal cancer with severe ascites. As per the medical fraternity, he did not have many days to live. He was married, with two sons. During his counselling, he confessed about his infidelity, obsession for watching porn and chatting on dating sites. He had huge difficulty in keeping his jobs. He had undergone chemotherapy after which he started feeling unattractive due to his bald head and pregnant looking belly. I used crayon drawing analysis to get an insight of his suffering, stresses, attitude, beliefs, needs, desires, values, conflicts and healing ability at the subconscious level.
The first drawing dated 21st June 2016
Any drawing is analysed in a sequence future, present and past. The light green figure depicted in the picture by him is his future, which actually should be his past at a subconscious level. Similarly the first figure in black is depicted, as his present, is the future at the subconscious level. The middle picture should be the present but is depicted as the future. He has shown two futures but no past. His secretive nature evident in all his drawings.
He was feeling secretive, tense, restless and suspicious and had given up on various therapies, doctors, hospitals, medicines as he was disappointed and dissatisfied with everything and everyone.He tried various therapies like naturopathy, chemotherapy, META-health, Pranic Healing, Reiki, crystal healing, Vaastu, Emotional Freedom Technique, Homeopathy and affirmations, but did not stick with anything. This pattern was also reflected in his professional life , as he had job-hopped several times in the last seven years, without feeling contented. He dissatisfaction in personal life reflected itself with the attitude that he was always right and knew it all. He withdrew into silence and stopped communicating, on feeling hurt and upset and reacted often by cutting off communication with the very people he craved harmonious relationships with. Read more about How to help a person who is suicidal
It was evident from the picture that he was under heavy dose of pain killers, sleeping tablets and chemotherapy and thus he could have been suffering from delusions.The black figure presented his negative feeling, and was displayed in the future position in the drawing thus we can conclude that in future he does not see himself recovering from his illness. He was not able to forget that he is suffering from cancer due to his pain and discomfort. Despite all his efforts he was disappointed that he was not getting rid of his pain and physical discomfort.
He wrote a list of things he could do and list of things that would make him happy.
He was not able to implement any of his lists, as he was intellectually doing his work without feeling. We cannot pretend to think positive, we need to feel positive.
Date- 22nd June 2016,
Status - After one session of counselling
Interpretations- The colour green is in the same position as the before, he has drawn as green stick figure standing next to a house. He seems to love his sons and wife but does not feel connected, relaxed or calm when they are around. The two cut kites represent him and his wife. The brown, yellow colour water shows lack of energy, physical discomfort, tiredness and pain due to his disease. He seems to be giving more attention to physical discomfort and disease rather than on getting well. He problem was that he was finding no place where he could relax and feel physically
comforted. He was trying to intellectualise his recovery but did not allow himself to feel and deal with his demons.
By 25th June,2016 -
The list of things of things that were making him happy increased.
He wanted to keep check on his the progress and his recovery, go for his morning walk, achieve sales target for his company and spend time with his family. He now wanted a new car for a long drives, he also wanted to visit Europe, get his children married, visit all his relatives and start a new business. Read here Why do people commit suicide?
Date- 25 th June 2016
Interpretation this picture has repeated colours and patterns- Paper has been folded in three parts indicating future, present and past clearly. Predominant colours used are light green, sky blue, brown and brown yellow water. Colour light green is seen in future part of the page, which indicates growth, and hope of being healthy again. It also indicates too much of pride and loss of control,this is also connected with gastric ulcers and digestive upsets connected with worry over possible loss of standing or personal failure. Secrecy is still evident along with physical discomfort and pain, with the hope of no pain and discomfort in the future.
Date - 26th June
He was happy, hopeful and relaxed. He wanted to feel appreciated, emotionally independent and relieved from his physical pain and discomfort.
Date - 1st July 2016
He wrote My Current Physical Condition
He was gradually improving, but then suddenly started resisted therapy. He still sent his next crayon drawing.
Date - 6th July 2016
He was internalising a lot of negative emotions and was feeling low self-esteem. He was obsessing unwisely about giving up on his life, by renouncing and abandoning everything as a way of protesting against his existing disease. He wanted to give up and was wanting to revolt against his own fate.He was capable of abrupt catastrophic actions, which would help him to end to his and other people s troubles by ending his life. Read more about 12 signs that your child is suicidal
On enquiry it was found that he resisted therapy because he was caught by his wife while messaging his girlfriend. His wife snatched and hid his phone.
Date - 8th July 2016
This picture is a complete distraction from his earlier feeling on the 6th. He hopes for some kind of magic, which will help him heal. He wants to have a cordial relationship where his needs are met and he can pacify his fears. The Aladdin lamp clearly shows he is looking for someone, who can bring him health and happiness without taking his responsibility. Thus we can see that one day he thinks of abandoning everything and end his life yet the other day he wants magic to save him. This clearly shows his wavering state of mind.
Date - 9th July
The time in the watch is 9 am 7 minutes, this is roughly the time when he jumped in front of the train and committed suicide.
As explained before, he had made up his mind by the 6th July to commit suicide and had also made his first attempt to take his life by22nd August. His family kept hid the fact from us, though it was evident in his pictures. The emotional fluctuation in 24 hours is indicated by the colours used to write time in the watch, the light green shows time of drug intake so feeling hopeful. Blues and black show the need be embraced by an understanding and cordial relationship. All reds indicate restless time, want to be active, but don t know how too.
14th July, 2016
This was the last crayon drawing sent by him before his death. The colours show that he wanted magic to happen, in the absence of which he was feeling self disparagement, unstable, needing peace and tranquility, wanting to abandon everything His body was in pain and did not feel any body pleasure. He abruptly abandoned his therapy by 9th July He restarted his therapy back on 24thAugust,2016, after his first attempt of suicide, but did not mention anything about it. His last drawing was sent on 14thJuly. He sent me a message on 25 th August, that he had a weird feeling in the middle of the night. He felt he had become absolutely normal and was feeling Over positive . He kept saying this positive feeling is too difficult to deal with, and continued saying, Do something or I will die. Read more How to deal with suicidal thoughts
He committed suicide on 1st September 2016.
The patient had taken treatment for less than a month, to be precise till 9 July and then called me back a week before his death saying he wants to continue doing META-health treatment. On1st September 2016, I woke to the news that he had committed suicide by jumping in front of a running train at 9.00 AM, 7 minutes. This shocked me beyond words because his previous drawing had showed the time of his death.
His death has prompted me to write this article and tell you all to take drawing more seriously. By understanding these drawings I got an insight into the cause of his death, which was not cancer but his unresolved fears, which made him take painful and tragic action. I was inspired by Beinie Siegel an American writer and a retired pedantic surgeon and Kirti Bakshi a counsellor and psychotherapist.
Image source: Shutterstock
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