Sandhya Raghavan
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There are a lot of preconceived notions floating around about an only child. People usually think that they are spoilt, stubborn, pampered and selfish. There are many other unflattering adjectives people liberally use when they speak about only children. If you don't believe us, just try announcing that you are an only child to strangers at a party. You can rest assured that assumptions and labels will come flying at you. "You must not be used to sharing" or "You must have had a lonely childhood." My favourite is: " How lucky you are! Your parents may have fulfilled your every whim. " Oh, how I wish.
While it's true that being an only child has its advantages, it's not fair to paint every only child with a broad brush. Renowned psychiatrist and professor of psychiatry Dr Yusuf Matcheswalla from Masina Hospital, Mumbai helps explains the traits of only children and what makes them tick. Whether you are raising an only child or you are one yourself, these points are going to be an eye-opener.
Do only children have problems adjusting?
One thing that I got to hear frequently while growing up was how difficult it would be for me to adapt to a new household. You know, since I'm an only child and used to having my way and all. To those losing sleep over this, here's news for you. "Toni Falbo, a psychology professor, concluded in a study that only children were highly motivated and personally adjusted," says Dr Matcheswalla. This means, only children are no different from children with siblings when it comes to adjusting.
Are only children spoilt?
This one's almost difficult to digest for most folks. Only children are often accused of their bratty behaviour. But the culprit here is people's misconceptions about "onlys"; they expect bad behaviour from such children. But Dr Matcheswalla does not subscribe to the notion that they are spoilt. He states emphatically, "There is nothing to support the stereotype that only children are spoilt."
Do only children perform poorly in school?
The popular notion is that if the doting parents of the only child would spoil the child silly. Such parents would be far too easy going and may not pressure the child with its studies. And what happens? They may have poor academic records and may not achieve much success in life.
But a study conducted in 1995 by Douglas Downey states that the family size and the child's academic performance has an inverse relationship. Which means lesser siblings equal to better academic performance. "Only children are also known to have better verbal skills than their peers," says Dr Matcheswalla. Don't believe me? Ask Barrack Obama, Eleanor Roosevelt, Isaac Newton, Mahatma Gandhi or Maria Sharapova. They all grew up without siblings.
Do only children have social problems?
Compared to their peers with siblings, onlies do not interact frequently with their extended families, aunts, uncles and cousins. But that doesn't mean they are less family-oriented than the others. "However, it can mean a lack of social behaviour," says Dr Matcheswalla. Lack of interaction with children their own age on a day-to-day basis may create some problems for only children to communicate. They could spend less time with friends and more time at religious places like church, temple or professional or academic events. But this seemingly antisocial behaviour decreases with age. [1]
Are only children mean?
No, in fact, they are nicer to their friends. Only children also work hard to win friends! That's because their family life does not provide them with the social skills to interact with children close to their age! So if you have an only child as a friend, cherish him or her! [2]
Are only children immature?
It's easy to imagine onlies as perpetually-pampered toddlers who need looking after their whole life. But it turns out that the notion is wrong! When you spend most of your growing years engaging and communicating with adults, you end up maturing faster says Dr Matcheswalla. This means only children can comfortably strike up friendships and easily converse with people who are much older than them!
Do only children have dull personalities?
Many people believe that their tastes in music, art and hobbies are greatly influenced by their older siblings. So for the lonely onlies, growing up without brothers and sisters must be boring. What's worse is that their personalities may not be as vibrant as the others. Well, that's a lie! Only children share personality traits like conscientiousness, ambition and leadership with the first born children. [3] But they also seem to have better self-esteem! In fact, not having siblings also allows greater variance in the child's personality. [4]
References:
1. Trent, K., & Spitze, G. (2011). Growing up without siblings and adult sociability behaviors. Journal of family issues, 32(9), 1178-1204.
2. Eischens, A. D. (2002). The dilemma of the only child.
3. Johnson, G. R. (2000). Science, Sulloway, and birth order: An ordeal and an assessment. Politics and the Life Sciences, 19(2), 221-246.
4. Koontz, K. (February 1989). Just me. Health, 21, 38-39.
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