How to keep the romance alive after marriageDid you shelve love after marriage? Experts suggest that this Valentine’s Day, with some planning, time management and surprises, couples can rekindle romance and brush away boredom from married life.

TV actor Pawan Shankar, married to Yukti for more than eight years, feels that priorities change after having kids, but it’s the responsibility of the couples to keep the romance alive.

Shankar told IANS: ‘It often happens that after having kids a gap comes in between husband and wife because priorities change. To revive that love, efforts have to be made from both the sides.’

He believes that women make more efforts, adding, ‘Ninety percent of the women try to revive love in the marriage, while only ten percent men make that effort. This is because men are not expressive. If there is a synergy at the mental level, then marriage is a bliss.’

His views seem to be similar to his new show ‘Kyaa Hua Tera Wada’, a story of a married couple with three children and how they try to revive romance in their married life.

Financial issue and parental interference sometimes mar the romance and divorce lawyer Shiksha Kushwaha feels it could be avoided if the spouses spend some quality time together and be honest while accepting the truth.

‘Feeling of incompatibility, financial issues, parental interference and extra-marital affairs are some of the prominent issues but all of these can be avoided if the couple take care of a few things.

‘Show genuine love and affection towards the other person. Pamper him or her and spend more time together. Also, avoid ego, during fights avoid calling names, and be genuine towards each other,’ Kushwaha said.

There is no guarantee that in a love marriage adjustment issues won’t mess up the romance factor.

A young professional, Veta Ratra, who married businessman Sahil after 10 years of courtship, says that post-marriage couples get more time together but waste it in finding faults with each other.

‘I was into a relationship for 10 years before I got married. I am married for two-and-a-half-years. Marriage is an institution that both partners have to take care of.

‘But when you start living together, you tend to notice even the minutest things and complain about those things, which are irrelevant. But if you are content and satisfied with your achievements, marriage can be the most beautiful thing,’ Ratra said.

But there is a solution to every problem, says Samir Parikh, a psychiatrist in Max Healthcare, and suggests that some quality time with each other can work wonders.

‘Couples need a regular boost to their love life in terms of spending good, intimate and fun moments together. At the same time, one also needs to appreciate that merely enjoying occasion is not good enough, and they should try and find time for each other in the chores of routine life,’ he said.

But at the same time he cautions not to go out of the way to impress partners as it could have an adverse effect.

‘One doesn’t need to impress! Do what both of you enjoy doing together. A gesture is an extension of a relationship. Last but not the least, some intimate moments could bring freshness to a monotonous life,’ he added.

So this Valentine, rekindle romance with little surprises.

‘Love is not lost but shelved back after marriage, hence surprises help in keeping the marriage alive. As one grows, the romance also matures. In the initial years, giving a rose bud might look highly romantic but at a different stage it might look kiddish.

‘But the things that remain evergreen are that you know your partner’s interest and become a part of it. Get involved, don’t do things just for the heck of it. Your partner can distinguish real from fake. So, show genuine interest,’ said marriage counsellor Vikhyat Singh.

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  • Ledo

    Please read my points and give me your opnoiin on what I say, whether I am right or wrong:Women frequently accuse men of lacking romance, gentleness, and passion. But the man is kinda in a no-win situation: We live in a society that likes to portray men as dogs. If a man is romantic, gentle, and passionate, women see him as a pushover, soft, weak, or just a game player. Today in modern society, the man has to be the soft-spoken tough guy, the risky-romantic, the social and extensive drinker etc. But too often women will lead men on a wild goose chase. For many women, the ability to use their appeal and beauty to get what they want is astonishing. What are men suppose to be like when their niceness is often taken for granted? In recent years men have slowly began to wake up to the fact that if they treat a woman with love, honor, and respect, she will usually end up cheating on him or leave him. Is it any wonder why so many men have becomes jerks?Because of the evil media, TV drama’s, soap operas, and the feminist agenda, men are dogs Therefore women find it difficult to accept that men can be sweet and passionate, resulting in men being unfairly judged and criticised. What about when women purposely irritate men? If the man stands up for himself he can’t take a joke and is too serious. If he smiles and takes it well, he’s too nice or a sucker. Being around women is like walking on egg shells. Sometimes if I open the door for a woman I get a smile, whereas other times I can get bad attitude. I no longer know how to be around women. If a man is only interested in sex then he will be willing to get trodden on and taken for a fool. As long as he achieves the goal of sex then he’s as happy as pig in muck. But for men who want to commit to a woman, he has a hard time competing with a woman’s high standards and silly games. I have heard the old chest nut so many times: Not all women are like that The problem is that more and more women ARE becoming like that. Soon nearly every woman will become like this, considering how quickly women have changed in recent decades. Are men perfect? No, far from it. It’s just a shame how it’s only men who are portrayed as the bad ones.Your opnoiin?

  • shalini singh

    this study is very helpfull for the problematic couples

  • very interesting

    very interesting

    • Cali

      my husband and i are going to isichtran marriage counseling thursday. i think it is one of the best things to do when you are having trouble .i did not want to go at first because i felt ashamed and like a failure but after reading the bible and praying i realized it is the right thing to do. i am really looking forward to going ..i truly believe it will help. CBN has great stuff about marriage counselors on it .just type in CBN into google and it should pull it up .it has all kinds of great marriage articles, based on GOD. good luck..